"It is—and I am bothered entirely!" replied the poor Duke, who had a habit, when worried, of returning to the brogue he used as Prince George in Ireland, in his youth. "What will I do? Look there now, we have cut down everything to starvation proportions, to please Lord Grandolph, to say nothing of upsetting the entire machinery of the War Office, to save the salary of the Surveyor-General of the Ordnance. Sure, what more will I do?"
"Read this," replied the Field Marshal, giving to H. R. H. a packet. "If War is declared, open it, and act upon the orders contained in it."
And, with this, Punch, the greatest modern strategist, bowed, and retired.
Part II.—After the G. B. took the matter in hand.
Two months later Europe, shaken by the mightiest conflict of this century, was beginning to regain her composure. It would be unwise (for it might offend foreign susceptibilities) to give the names of the victories that had added fresh lustre to the British arms. Suffice it to say that not a single reverse had been recorded. Once more the Field Marshal entered the room of the Commander-in-Chief (patented).
"Well, George, how goes it?" asked the foremost soldier of the age. The Commander-in-Chief (patented) fell upon his knees and kissed the spurs of his master's boots.
"Nay, this show of gratitude is pleasing, but embarrassing. Remember, George, you are of Royal Blood," and the Field-Marshal gently and kindly assisted the Patented One to rise.
"I cannot help it," returned George, with a burst of almost painful emotion. "You have done so much for us."
"Not at all," observed Punch with a smile, "that packet certainly contained a few suggestions of some value."
"Why, they saved the country! How should we have horsed the Cavalry and Artillery, if we had not entered on peace contracts with the Directors of Pickford's, the London General Omnibus Company, the Road Cars, the Tramways, and the Herne Bay Bathing Machine Owners. The last were not easily persuaded to act with us, as somehow the requisition of their quadrupeds seemed to interfere with the success of the Thanet Harriers."