RETALIATION.
Cabby. “Wha’s this for, Lady? Which my Fare’s Two Shill——”
Old Lady (quite able to take care of herself). “I beg your pardon, Cabman. I know the Distance—it’s not Three Miles by Two Hundred Yards. Please knock at the——”
Cabby. “Ugh! Y’ ’on’t hev a Double Knock, I can tell yer that!”
ROBERT ON SPELLING.
I’ve bin informed, on such orthority as I carnt for a moment dout, wiz., Professor Bassingham of the White Cross Brigade, that a cumpany has bin formed in Amerrikey to perswade hewerybody as writes English to spell it as I does. I never knowd afore but what I spelt my spelling like other littery gennelmen, but I’m told now that I don’t, but that I spells it more nateral like, and so it appears that after about 2 years thinkin of it over, the gratest Orthers in Amerrykey has all resolved to follow my nobel xample and do as I does, as neer as they can git to it. So they has formed theirselves into the “Spelling Reform Association,” and has got a Presedent, and Wise Presidents, and a Counsel, and a Seketerry, and all the blooming luxurys of a rich Cumpany, and has jest published their fust Number and charges fore shillins for it, as I nose to my corst, cos I’ve jest bin and bort one.
Well, having jest a lezzure hour or 2, I’ve bin a trying to read my noo book, witch is suttenly to me a dear book, but I greeves to say as I don’t find werry much in it, as I understands. They suttenly uses sum werry powerful words, and sez sum werry powerful things, and tries their werry best to spell like me, but I don’t think as I can troothfully say as they always suckeeds. They spels hed like me, and helth, and dropt, and enuf; but who ever seed me use sitch words as thru, or cof, or thuro, or tuf, or ughly?