EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, April 14.—Boys came back after Easter Monday; Head Master punctually in his place.
"Yes, dear Toby," he said, as I respectfully shook his hand. "I am nothing if not a man of business. Done my duty to the country round Henley; now come up to do my duty in town at Westminster."
Not all the boys here. Some, including Oldest Boy, extending their holiday. Prince Arthur not turned up yet, nor Grandolph, nor Chamberlain. Wide empty space on Front Opposition Bench where Harcourt wont to sit. A dozen Members on Ministerial Benches; a score on Opposite side; others in ambush, especially on Ministerial side.
"Akers-Douglas, like Roderick Dhu, need only blow his horn and the glen is filled with armed men," said Colonel Malcolm, who knows his Walter Scott by heart. The Douglas being a man of modern ideas, doesn't blow his horn: would be unparliamentary; might lead to his being named and relegated to the Clock Tower. Effect brought about when bell rings for Division; then Members troop in in fifties. "What's the Question?" they ask each other, as they stand at Bar. Nobody quite sure. Some say it's wages of Envoy Extraordinary at Buenos Ayres; others affirm it's salary of Chaplain of Embassy in Vienna. A third believes it's something to do with the Nyassa region; a fourth is sure it's Turks in Armenia; whilst Member who has heard portion of one of several speeches delivered by Sage of Queen Anne's Gate, says it's Motion made to provide a Chaplain for Drummond Wolff, whose forlorn condition, planted out amid Mahommedans in Teheran, Sage has been lamenting. Few quite sure of actual question; fewer still heard it debated. But no time to lose. House cleared for Division. Must go in one Lobby or other; so Ministerialists follow each other like sheep; Opposition flock into other Lobby. Amendment (whatever it is) negatived by 134 Votes against 69.
In conversation about Vienna Chaplaincy Winterbotham comes to front. "Why," he asks, "should we support an English church in Vienna more than in other Continental towns, where the residents provide the funds? Not many months ago I was in the church at Vienna; called upon to hand the plate round, and there were only a few shillings to hand over to expectant parson."
"Very good story," said Wilfrid Lawson; "but if I was Winterbotham, wouldn't tell it again. What became of the money?"
Business done.—Diplomatic and Consular Vote obtained.
Tuesday.—Old Morality proposes forthwith to take morning sittings on Tuesdays and Fridays. Private Members in state of burning indignation. Scarcely anything left to them but Tuesdays. On Fridays Government business takes precedence. Notices of Amendment may be moved on going into Committee of Supply; but so hampered that hardly any use as outlet for legislative energies of private Members. On Tuesdays have it all to themselves. May move Amendments, take Divisions, and generally enjoy themselves. Now Old Morality comes along "Like the blind Fury, with abhorrëd shears," says Cozens-Hardy, dropping into bad language, "and cuts us off our Toosday."
