(A Vindication.)
Mon Cher Monsieur Punch,—That you have been the victim of "a 'oax," crafty, ingenious, and abominable, there is now no shadow of a doubt. That letter palmed off on to your good and trustful nature the week before last, with the signature of "Le Heads Masterre," professing to deal with the subject of the International athleticism, I should unfailingly pronounce, after cursory investigation, to be a forgery, impudent and profound. For survey the facts: while it proposed, in a set of regulations bizarre and fantastic, to abolish "Le 'Arf-back," as a superfluous officer in the French game, a contest took place in the very centre of this Paris, in which not only the "'Arf-back," but the "Three-quarterre-back" was referred to as having been changed four times in the progress of one game! Nor was this all. So highly and efficiently trained by the indefatigable Principal had been the French "'Ome-team," that,—glorious announcement to make,—they succeeded in carrying off the victory, not merely from one of your Public School Clubs, representing only one country, but from a united "Onze," that might have been regarded with a natural and excusable patriotic pride, as the combined force of all the whole civilised world. Yes, the force opposed to our courageous youths of the Lycée Janson de Sailly comprised not only Englishmen, but other nationalities, including sons of the American United States and Holland. Against this formidable combination the active and sportsmanlike youth of our re-awakened athletic France scored a victory, easy, swift, and complete, of two tries to nothing.
For further particulars, I refer you to the newspapers of the period, that furnish the details of the affair. In them you will see that, so far from "Le Scrimmage" being abandoned, on the contrary, several, of a character hotly contested, and severe, appear to have arisen in the efforts necessary to secure les deux "tries"; for though no mention is made of the Hospital ambulance, yet it is hinted that much sticking-plasterre must have been used in fastening up and healing the many contusions, grave, startling, and various, resulting from the furious kicking of legs, and struggling of bodies, inevitable in the progress of "Un Scrimmage" in which Three-quarters-back, 'Arf-backs, Forwards, and even Goal-keeperes were often mingled in confusion, bewildering and prolonged, and only saved from being deadly and prostrating by the admirable élan and courageous spirit with which it was encountered.
No, mon cher Monsieur Punch, I do not say that when our Athletic Committee commence their investigations of the dangers obvious and definite connected with the conduct of your jeu de Cricquette, that they may not alter the constitution and weight of the ball, which I understand is made of lead, and weighs ten pounds and three-quarters, and reduce the size of les batte-clubs, themselves instruments to an excessive degree ponderous and grotesque, probably eliminating entirely from the field such dangerously-located officers as "Le Long-stoppe," "Le square-legge," and, above all, "Le wicket-keepere," but this does not affect their action in considering the reformation of the rules for the legitimate and reasonable conduct of the game of "Kicke-ball." No, mon cher Monsieur, these they are agreeable to leave as they are, remembering that the ball, formidable though he may be on account of his size, is harmless as a butterfly in the contact, being filled only with air. Moreover they see no reason to change when an "Onze" of this New Athletic France can, with the old rules, claim as she does the noble victory of le deux "tries" to nothing, and enables the writer of this letter of correction, with a satisfaction that is keen and infinite, and a pride that is profound and pardonable, to subscribe himself hereunder,
A Three-quarterre-back of The Recently Victorious Lycée.
Question of Parentage.—Prof. Huxley, returning to the charge against Socialism, declares Capital to be "the Mother of Labour." If so, surely "the child was mother of the—woman!"—to adopt Wordsworth's seeming paradox. The first family, when first doomed to Labour, had surely very little Capital.
When Adam delved and Eve span
Where was then the—"Middleman"?