It has been reported that Mr. Bernard Cavanagh’s powers of abstinence have their latent origin in enthusiasm. This he confesses to be the case, his great admiration for fasting having arisen from the circumstance of his frequently seeing the process of manufacturing the pauper gruel, which sight filled him with most intense yearnings to hit upon some plan by which, as far as he was concerned, he might for ever avoid any participation in its consumption.
That immense cigar, the mild Cavanagh! favours us with the following practical account of his system; by which he intends, through the means of enthusiasm, to render breakfasts a superfluity—luncheons, inutilities—dinners, dreadful extravagancies—teas, iniquitous wastes—and suppers, supper-erogatories.
Mr. B.C. proposes the instant dismissal, without wages or warning, of all the cooks, and substitution of the like number of Ciceros; thereby affording a more ample mental diet, as the followers will be served out with orations instead of rations. For the proper excitement of the necessary enthusiasm, he submits the following Mental Bill of Fare:—
FOR STRONG STOMACHS AND WEAK INTELLECTS:—
- Feargus O’Connor, as per Crown and Anchor.
- Mr. Vincent.
- Mr. Roebuck, with ancestral sauce—very fine, if not pitched too strong.
- N.B.—In case of surfeit from the above, the editor of the Times may be resorted to as an antidote.
- Daniel O’Connell—whose successful practice of the exciting and fasting, or rather, starving system, among the rent contributors in Ireland, not only proves the truth of the theory, but enables B.C. to recommend him as the safest dish in the carte.
FOR WEAK STOMACHS AND VERY SMALL IMAGINATIONS:—
- D’Israeli (Ben)—breakfast off the “Wondrous Tale of Alroy.”
- Bulwer—lunch on “Siamese Twins.”
- Stephens—dine off “The Hungarian Daughter.”
- Heraud—tea off “The Deluge,”—sup off the whole Minerva Library.
- N.B.—None of the above, will bear the slightest dilution.
FOR DELICATE DIGESTIONS, AND LIMITED UNDERSTANDINGS, PERUSALS OF
- “World of Fashion.”
- Lord John Russell’s “Don Carlos.”
- Montgomery’s “Satan” (very good as a devil).
- “Journal of Civilization.”
- Any of F. Chorley’s writings, Robins’ advertisements, or poetry relating to Warren’s Jet Blacking.