Rus. Big. That not only shall the "Marseillaise" be tolerated when played by the French, but also be performed by our own bands. (With a burst of rage.) Oh, Caviare droski!
Sub. (on his knees). I would also add an oath, O Supreme Protector-of-the-Spirit-of-my-dead-Grandmother, had you not forbidden that extreme expression of opinion.
Rus. Big. You recall me to myself. O Son-of-PETER-son-of-PETER-son-of-PETER-son-of-TOMMY. I was wrong. But it makes my blood boil to think that our Master and his ancestors who scorned LOUIS PHILIPPE and NAPOLEON III. should recognise a Republic!
Sub. (aside). Say you so—this to the CZAR—thou Nihilist! (Aloud.) My Lord-the-comforter-of-the-spirit-of-my-first-cousin-once-removed-on-my-mother's-side, is indeed right! It is a painful sight!
Rus. Big. (aside). Say you so—this to the CZAR—thou Nihilist! (Aloud.) But perhaps we might improve matters. Supposing that the "Marseillaise" were imperfectly performed?
Sub. (with note-book). Excellent, my Lord! excellent! It shall be played out of tune on a score of regimental bands! Good, my Lord! good!
Rus. Big. And could not a translation be furnished suggesting ideas foreign to the original?
Sub. Again capital, my Lord. I will see that the troops have a version that gives the old legend (stolen from us by the English) of "The Song of Sixpence, or a pocketful of Rye-bread," as the real translation.
Rus. Big. A happy thought! The moral is wholesome. The Monarchical principle is advocated in the approved counting out of money and consumption of bread and honey by their Majesties, and the right of life and death is suggested by the pecking off of the nose of the housemaid while employed in hanging out the clothes! And about the troops—have they been warned that they might some day be expected to give a hated alien an enthusiastic reception?
Sub. They have, my Lord. And in anticipation of such an occasion, they have been taught for the last six months how to cheer in a whisper.