Why she should have taken this so personally—whether she thought he was alluding to her Narcissus-like complexion, or her wealth of luminous hair—I cannot say. At any rate—though I would not have it even whispered to poor little JIM, who, being far from well, had been quite unable to leave his sofa,—I say, at any rate, I, for one, felt convinced that the Princess had taken quite as much kümmel as was good for her, otherwise, how could any one, except my old friend ALICE DE VONDERLAND account for her urging the Three Men, already far gone, to go still farther, and to "Protect her honour," as she termed it, "by wiping out the insult offered to the NAPRAXINES!"
The Three Men took the suggestion literally. A wild scene ensued. Shouting wildly, "We'll spoil your beauty for you!" one tore the flower out of DORIAN's coat, another threw the red copper bowl of rose-water at his head, a third, with the uncommonly vulgar exclamation, "Art be blowed! we'll show you some science!" struck the unfortunate man a violent blow on the nose with his clenched fist.
How the scene might have ended but for the sudden intervention of MULVANEY and his companions, I cannot say. In the strangest dialect, and with the most uncouth oaths, they literally "went for" the Three Boating Men. The aquatic champions were completely demolished by the Soldiers Three.
In the words of the butler, "Their shirt-fronts were crumpled 'orrid." The three youths, in a pitiable state, left the house with the Princess, and went off all together in a droschki, the driver of which wore a badge on which was inscribed, "JOSEF HATTONSKI. By Order of the CZAR." DORIAN had already escaped, bearing on his handsome countenance the impress of fists and the stains of flattened mince-pies.
For my own part ... I don't know how I managed to get away. I suppose I must have been rendered insensible by a candlestick which was thrown at me. At all events, I found myself on the floor, having tumbled out of bed ... But how I had ever got to bed I do not remember. It may be I shall never discover the truth of it all. Stay!—had I been hypnotised? If so, when, where, and by whom?
AN ANTI-HISS-TRIONIC BIRD.
A "PAR" in the Daily News last Thursday told how the Antipodæans had presented Miss NELLIE FARREN with "a Laughing Jackass." What a time he'll have of it! Always in fits, and perhaps the merry bird will at last "die o' laughin'"! For it is a biped and not a quadruped; not that as a biped "the Laughing Jackass" is by any means a lusus naturæ. This bird, not probably unfamiliar with the "'Oof Bird" of sporting circles, is, it is said, "a foe to snakes." Excellent omen this for Miss FARREN. Laughter everywhere, and no hissing permitted. If hissing heard anywhere, up starts the Laughing Jackass and down he comes on the snake, and there's an end of the hissing. Theatrical Managers would do well to cultivate the Laughing Jackasses, and keep a supply always on the premises.