I have been much assisted in my investigations by the kind help afforded me by the great Anubis Baboon, who has frequently abandoned the consumption of nuts to come and make experiments on our human visitors; the elder members of the Chimpanzee Family have also been most useful, and have often restrained the young of their household from interrupting my inquiries by ill-timed pleasantries. Only once in the whole course of these scientific labours have I had seriously to complain of my tail being made use of as a swing.
It was not long before I came to the conclusion that men do really mean something by the extraordinary gibberings and chatterings in which they indulge. My first experiment was on a female of the species, with a blue feather in her bonnet. At a sign from me, a young Chimpanzee suddenly and adroitly snatched the bonnet from her head. The sound she uttered was, as nearly as I can put it, wh-oo-w! ending in a shrill scream. I therefore take the oo sound to indicate alarm, or dissatisfaction. Exactly the same vowels were used by the Male.
The mischievous young of the Human Species, we have discovered, also have this oo sound, and use it when they wish to frighten us.
The three conclusions which I have drawn from my inquiries are:—
1. That Human Beings understand the sounds they utter to each other, and therefore possess a language, as we do.
2. That Human Beings have, in a very imperfect and rudimentary shape, the faculty of reason.
3. That Apes have descended from Men! In other words, that a Monkey is only a highly-developed and more agile Man.
These, no doubt, are startling conclusions, and I expect them to excite controversy. In fact, an Ourang-Outang friend of mine, to whom I mentioned them, was so shocked, that he has declined all nourishment ever since. But I rely on the scientific spirit of this great society to do me justice; and I venture to add a request that it will see fit to endow research by voting an extra supply of apples and nuts to the Chimpanzees, the Anubis Baboon, and myself, while we are at work on this very fatiguing field of inquiry.