Swell (to ingenuous Maiden). "ARE YOU ENGAGED?"
Ingenuous Maiden. "NO—BUT—I SHOULD SO LIKE TO BE!"
"COME HITHER, HUBERT!"
We are able to present our readers with a few notes of a lecture to be given by Professor HUBERT HERKOMER, R.A. (by the kind permission of AUTHOR PINERO, Esq.), to all managers, actors, actresses, scene-painters, authors, composers, musicians, costumiers, and wig-makers who will honour him with their attention. On this occasion the Professor will (among other things) explain, by the aid of a Magic Lantern (an entirely new invention recently discovered by Professor H.H.) how to enlighten the stage darkness generally. The Professor will also combat the erroneous impression derived from the dark ages of SHAKSPEARE's time, that the Moon, or the Man in it,—probably a lime-lighterman,—ought servilely to follow the movements, in order to throw light upon them, of the Principal Performer. The Professor will observe—"Such a course, on the part of the Direction of the Moon, can only be considered beneficial to Art, when it is directed against 'The Star System.' As each theatrical Star has its own particular brilliancy, why lug in the Moon? SHAKSPEARE, no doubt, had the Stage Moon in full view when he makes Juliet roundly exclaim, 'Oh, swear not by the Moon, the inconstant Moon!' as, of course, a Moon bound to illuminate the business of any one actor must follow him about, and so, though 'constant' to him individually, would be open to a general charge of inconstancy from the spectators in front. Such a course for the Moon to take is, as some of the better instructed among you may possibly be aware, quite unwarranted by the lunar laws of Nature, &c., &c."
This interesting entertainment will wind up with a dialogue between Arthur (JONES) and Hubert (HERKOMER), of which we give an extract. It represents Arthur as wishing to produce a piece, which Hubert forewarns him will be a failure unless he (HUBERT) paints the scenery and manages it generally.
Arthur. Is there no remedy?
Hubert. None, but to use my eyes.
Arthur. O HUBERT! If you will, cut down my 'lengths.'
And I'll be merry as the day is long,