Paterf. (dubiously). H'm, I'm not at all sure that it would have the same effect, my dear.
Prof. (who has vaulted on the horse's back). I will now make him familiar With an umbrella. (Opens it suddenly; horse plunges.) Now, Sir, this is nothing but an umbrella—vurry good one too—it isn't going to hurt you; look at it!
[He waves it round the animal's head, and finally claps it over his eyes, the horse inspects it, and tacitly admits that he may have been prejudiced.
Daughter. It would be quite easy to do that, Father. We could hide in the shrubbery with parasols, and jump out at him.
Paterf. Not while I'm—Well, we must see what your Mother says about that. [Begins to wish he had come alone.
Prof. (introducing another horse). This animal is a confirmed Kicker. We'll give him a little tinware, just to amuse him. (Some tin pans and bells are attached to the animal's tail, but, perceiving that kicks are expected from him, his natural contrariness makes him decline to make sport for Philistines in this manner.) Hang on more tinware, boys! Some persons here may feel Disappointed that he Doesn't kick. Remember—that is not My Fault. They can't be too vicious to please me. (The Horse sees his way to score, and after bearing various trials in a spirit of Christian resignation, leaves the Arena, consoled by the reflection that no one there got much fun out of him, at all events. A Jibber is brought in; the Professor illustrates his patent method of teaching him to stand while being groomed, by tying a rope to his tail, seizing the halter in one hand and the rope in the other, and obliging the horse to perform an involuntary waltz, after which he mounts him and continues his discourse.) Now it occasionally happens To some riders that when they want To go down G. Street, their horse has a sort of idea he'd like to go up E. Street, and he generally does go up it too!
A Sister (to her Brother). ROBERT that's just like the horse you rode that last time, isn't it?
[ROBERT doesn't answer, fervently hoping that his Sister's Pretty Friend has not overheard this comment.
The Prof. Well, the way to overcome that is just to turn the animal round—so—several times till he gets dizzy and forgets where E. Street is, and then he says to himself, "I guess I'd better go wherever the gentleman wants!"
The Sister. ROBERT's horse turned round and round like that—didn't he, ROBERT? [ROBERT turns rather red and grunts.