A DISTINCTION WITH A DIFFERENCE.
Mistress (to applicant for situation, who has been dismissed, from her last place). "SO YOU'VE JUST LEFT? DIDN'T YOUR SITUATION SUIT YOU?"
Martha. "OH YES, 'M. SITUATION SOOTED ME VERY WELL. IT WAS ME, MUM, AS DIDN'T SOOT THE SITUATION!"
FROM A LAHORE PAPER.—"Punch," the writer ought to have said "Mr. Punch,"—"possesses a battery of guns, and maintains a standing army of 1,200 men." Quite correct. Wonderful how they get the news out there. The guns fire a hundred jokes per minute; all killing ones. The standing army do the thing well, and will stand anything (well-iced) to all friends within reasonable limits, under command of Mr. Punch, President.
VERY NATURAL.—Mrs. BROWN POTTER, tired of playing a Hero, is now coming out as a Heroine before the Chaff'dsbury Theatre is shut up.
ROD and RIVER is the title of a useful book about fly-fishing (it only needs "fly-leaves" for notes to make it perfect), written by a Major bearing the appropriate name of FISHER. One note he might append for the benefit of intending Etonians, that those who, not having "passed" their swimming examination, venture to go on the "river", are in danger of the "rod."