Mr. Waggstaff and His Doctor.—He was ordered by his Doctor to walk two miles a day. "Can't do it in London," was the patient's reply; "never walk more than one mile. But," he said, brightening up, "I'll go to Paris, as one mile there is equal to double the distance in England. How's that? I'll tell you. I do half a mile out, half a mile back: one mile; et voilà two!"
"Little Tich" and "Collins."—The former, not the Little Tich of Drury Lane Pantomime, but Sir Henry Tichborne, Bart., has, for absence of mind and body, thus not fulfilling his duties as High Sheriff, been fined by Mr. Justice Collins five hundred pounds—quids pro quo—unless he can show some just cause or impediment. "He wants Tich-ing up a bit," thought Mr. Justice, but he didn't say so.
Reports of Crackers.—If among our old friend Sparagnapane & Co.'s Crackers there are any that will "go off" better than others it will be those called The True Lovers' Code Cosaques. This is the latest addition to the School-Board Education Code for the Christmas Holidays.
"SET A THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF!"
Mrs. Brown (a victim of secret social ambitions). "Oh, as for poor Mrs. Robinson, her only object in life is to drop all her Old Friends and know Titled People! Isn't it Loathsome and Sickening?"