"IN THIS STYLE, TWO-AND-SIX."
(In the Pound).
SIR,—I have been much struck with the suggestion to do without hats, and have made trial of the system. It has also made trial of me, in the way of colds in the head, bronchial catarrh, &c., but I still persevere. It's so much cheaper! I have sold my stock of old hats for half-a-crown, and calculate that I shall save quite three shillings per annum by not buying new ones. Surely anybody can see that this is well worth doing! I am now seriously contemplating the possibility of doing without boots!
Yours truly,
SAVE THE SAXPENCES.
SIR,—Talk about hair growing if you leave off hats! My hair was falling off in handfuls a little time ago. Did I abjure hats altogether? Not being a born idiot, I did not. But I saw that what was needed was proper ventilation aloft. So I had a specially-constructed top-hat made, with holes all round it. In fact there were more holes than hat, and the hatter scornfully referred to it as a "sieve." The invention answered splendidly. There was a thorough draught constantly rushing across the top of my head, with the speed and violence of a first-class tornado. My locks, before so scanty, at once began to grow in such profusion that it now seems impossible to stop them, except by liberal applications of "Crinificatrix," the Patent Hair Restorer. That checks the growth effectually. My general name among chance acquaintances is "Old Doormat." You can judge how thick my hair must be and I ascribe it entirely to the beneficent action of the draught, as before,
Yours, WELL-COVERED.
DEAR SIR,—Why would it be a mistake to say that a Negro was "as black as my hat?" Because I never wear one. The only inconvenience resulting is in wet weather—but, even then, I am prepared for all emergencies. I keep in my pocket a little square of black waterproof, to cover my head when it rains. In an Assize town, the other day, I was followed by an angry crowd, who imagined that I was one of the Judges, and that I had gone mad, and was walking about the streets with the black cap on! But all true reformers are treated in this way, even in England, the land of Liberty.
Yours, HATZOFF.