The Annual New-Year's Dinner of Anti-Vivisectionists took place yesterday. The following was the menu:—
Oysters—eaten alive.
Turtle Soup—the Turtle having been exhibited for several days previously in a Confectioner's window.
Stewed Eels—chopped up wriggling.
Lobsters—-boiled alive.
Prawns—ditto ditto.
Curried Rabbit—trapped.
Pâtés de Foies Gras.
Roast Pork—Prize Pig, suffocated at a show.
Roast Veal—Calf bled to death to secure an elegant whiteness.
Problem.—- At the stranding-of-the-Howe trial there appeared a Witness, whose official position, it appears, is "Hydrographer of the Navy." What is a hydrographer? clearly, by derivation, "a drawer of water." But a ship also "draws water." Therefore, logically, a Hydrographer is a ship. But a ship is never put into a witness-box, where it would be quite at sea, but in the dock, where it could be quite at home. "Truly," writes our Puzzled Correspondent, "there is a muddle somewhere." Q. E. D.
A Cheerful Investment.—A Laughing-Stock.
SAFE PREDICTIONS FOR THE YEAR.
Someone will write about the extraordinary characteristic of the Season, whether it be warm or cold.
There will be a Political Crisis in Paris on the average of once in every six weeks.
The German Emperor will continue his tours, to the great inconvenience of the Crowned Heads he favours with a visit.