ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, February 20.—New Chairman to-day; dropped in in most casual way. Wondered to see Mellor wandering about Library and corridors at three o'clock in afternoon in full evening dress. "Going out to tea?" I asked, in my genial way.
"Order! order!" said Mellor; "the Hon. Member will please give notice of that question." And he stalked off, trying to convey to the mind of his astonished interlocutor as near an approach to back view of Courtney as could be attained, without loan of late Chairman's famous summer pantaloons.
Everything explained later. Soon as questions over, Mr. G., rising and fixing glittering eye on Speaker, observed, "I beg to move that you, Sir, do now leave the Chair." Strangers in Gallery pricked up their ears; thought Speaker been doing something, and was now in for it. Right Hon. Gentleman offered no defence, but meekly left Chair. Mr. G. up again like a shot. "I beg to move that Mr. Mellor do take the Chair," he said. Then Mellor (fortuitously on spot in evening dress) stepped into Chair, where through six Sessions, Courtney has sat ruling the whirlwind out of order, and riding on the storm. All done in moment. Before you knew where you were, there was new Chairman of Committees proposing vote of £2,000 for rearrangement of rooms in Houses of Parliament. Alpheus Cleophas rose, with evident intent of wanting to know "about these rooms," when irrepressible Mr. G. on his feet again. "I beg to move," he said, addressing Chairman, "that you do report progress, and ask leave to sit again."
Rather hard this on Mellor. Just got into Chair; beginning to feel comfortable. Had proposed subject that might have agreeably occupied Committee for half an hour, when here comes the untameable, irresistible, peremptory Mr. G., and bundles him off. At first some signs of inclination to resist. New Chairman, having put question and declared it carried, should forthwith have stepped away from the table. Mellor dropped into Chair again.
A moment of embarrassment. Courtney, looking critically on form below Gangway, grimly smiled. Members under Gallery tittered. Clerk nudged new Chairman in ribs. Mellor sat on till, lifting his eyes, discovered Mr. G. meaningly regarding him. Knew he'd be up again if he didn't go; so with promising alacrity, hopped out of Chair, and disappeared from ken of House.
"Well, I don't know," said honest Bill Cremer. "Of course I don't hold with Courtney's goings-on in the political field, and he can scarcely have expected us to keep him on in a snug berth. But this I will say, the manners of the new Chairman may, so to speak, be more Mellor, but, as Chairman of Committees, Courtney'll be hard to beat."
Business done.—"Ban, ban, Caliban, got a new Premier, get a new man"—in Chairman of Committees.
Tuesday.—"The life of Her Majesty's Ministers," said the Grand Young Gardner, moodily contemplating his spats, "is not an entirely happy one. I think I may add that is peculiarly the case with the Minister for Agriculture. I must say, if the language, be not regarded as too flowery——"