ENGLISH AS SHE IS "SCHPOGEN."
Herr Dumpling (a "Deacher of Englisch" who has made the most of his holiday during the Royal Marriage week). "Zertainly, I haf zeen ze Vedding-brozess, ze Gween, and ze gliddering Goaches, and ze Naidive Droobs; and in ze Evening neffer haf I zeen so peudiful Gas-works! Bot, ach Himmel, how vas I ofergrowded!"
SEEING THE ROYAL WEDDING PRESENTS.
(A Sketch at the Imperial Institute.)
Scene—The North Gallery on a Saturday afternoon, with the thermometer at considerably over 80° in the shade. The presents are arranged behind a long barrier, in front of which the Spectators form a double "queue," the outer rank facing in the opposite direction to the inner line, and both moving at an average rate of one foot every five minutes.
The Attendants (spasmodically). Pass along there, please. Keep moving!
[The crowd close to the barrier either cannot or will not pay the slightest attention to these injunctions, and remain placidly gazing at whatever happens to be in front of them; the people in the outside line, who can see just enough to tantalise them, begin to exhibit signs of impatience.
A Sour-looking Spinster. Well, I'm sure! They might remember there's others that would like to have a look besides themselves! Some of them seem to have made up their minds to spend the whole day here! (With a withering glance at a stout lady in the inner rank.) How anyone can call herself a lady and spend fifteen minutes downright gloating at nothing but cigarette cases—well, I should be sorry to be so disobliging myself!
[The stout lady, who has exhausted the cigarette cases long ago, but can't move on until those in front of her have thoroughly inspected the jewels, fans herself with a pocket-handkerchief, and pretends not to have heard.