On gentle Thames's crystal stream.
EXAMINATION PAPER FOR LADIES.
(To be set to Débutantes who have completed their first Season.)
- 1. What do you think of London in comparison with the country?
- 2. Write a short Essay upon your initial ball, giving your impressions of (1) your partners, (2) your dances, and (3) the supper.
- 3. Given three dances a night six evenings a week, what will be the cost of bouquets a quarter?
- 4. Show how three dresses, with a clever ladiesmaid, and a deposit account at the Army and Navy Stores, can be made to do duty as a couple of dozen entirely different gowns.
- 5. Give a short history of the Opera Season, pointing out any special features of importance, and estimating the receipts of the Command Night.
- 6. Give a short biography of any two of the following Society lions: Signor Mascagni, Lord Roberts, Mr. Oscar Wilde, Captain Boyton, and the Siamese Ambassador.
- 7. Supply the true stories associated with "the lost opera-glass at Ascot," "the sun-shade at the garden party," "the ride to the horse-chestnuts," and "the interrupted honeymoon."
- 8. Show in a rough sketch the latest mode of shaking hands.
- 9. Give a brief account of any two of the following Society functions: (1) The Royal Wedding, (2) the Eton and Harrow match, (3) Sandown, (4) a first night at the Lyceum, (5) a wedding at St. Peter's, Eaton Square, and (6) Henley.
- 10. Correct the mistakes (if any) in the following passage:—"Mr. Alexander, the Lessee of Drury Lane, appeared at the Haymarket as Becket, in Mr. Pinero's sparkling comedy of that name. He was supported by Miss Ellen Terry as the Second Mrs. Tanqueray, and Lady Monckton as Portia—the woman of no importance. After a successful career of five hundred nights, Becket was transferred to Chicago, with the cast strengthened by Mrs. Bernard-Beere, who consented to accept, as a mark of respect to the management, the comparatively insignificant part of Charley's Aunt."
- 11. Give a list of the eligible partis of the season, with their rent-rolls, distinguishing idiots from sensible men.
- 12. In conclusion, after four months' hard work at Society functions, trace the benefit you have derived from your novel surroundings.
THE PROPRIETORS' VADE MECUM.
(A Supplement for the Newspaper Press.)
- Question. What is the duty of a Newspaper Proprietor?
- Answer. To use his periodical for the benefit of the public by obtaining and affording information.
- Q. Is he expected to expose abuses?
- A. Certainly, or he would be thought to be degrading the noble profession to which he has the honour to belong.
- Q. What is the customary result of an exposé?
- A. An action for libel.
- Q. By whom is it frequently brought?
- A. By a man of straw.
- Q. And what is the alleged libel?
- A. That the plaintiff was described as being manufactured of no more substantial material.
- Q. If a man is made of straw, how can he obtain assistance from a solicitor?
- A. By approaching a member of the junior branch of the legal profession who possesses no rooted objection to speculation.
- Q. What is a speculative action?
- A. It is an action brought to give a solicitor a chance of getting costs.
- Q. Is the length of trial a matter of importance to the plaintiff?
- A. Certainly not, because he stands to win one way and not to lose on the other.
- Q. What does a long trial mean to the defendant?
- A. Solicitor's fees by the score and "refreshers" by the dozen.
- Q. What is the outcome of the proceedings?
- A. After many days, a verdict.
- Q. In whose favour?
- A. The defendant's.
- Q. Does the defendant benefit in consequence?
- A. Not at all—the reverse. For after the finding of the jury, he is at liberty to pay his own costs.
- Q. Why does he pay his own costs?
- A. Because his statement that the plaintiff is and was a man of straw is practically corroborated.
- Q. But does not the exposé prove that he has done an action well-deserving of his country?
- A. Certainly; but this consideration does not give him unmixed satisfaction.
- Q. Why does it not give him unmixed satisfaction?
- A. Because, although losing a huge sum of money may be patriotic and large-minded, it is scarcely business-like.
- Q. Are not newspapers intended to benefit the public?
- A. Unquestionably, but in that public the individuality of the proprietor should not be entirely overlooked.
- Q. Then what would you recommend?
- A. That instead of being regarded as prey, newspapers should be made to pay.
- Q. And how can that be carried out?
- A. By making a law calling upon a would-be plaintiff, in a questionable action for libel, to give security for costs.