Mrs. R. saw a heading in a newspaper. "Board of Trade Returns." Whereupon she exclaimed, "Where's the Board of Trade been to? I suppose for a holiday, and we shall have to pay!"
THE BOGUS MANAGER'S VADE MECUM.
- Question. Is it an easy thing to become the manager of a theatre?
- Answer. Why, certainly; you require no cash, and very little credit.
- Q. Is it necessary that you should have any special training to enable you to appropriately fill so responsible a position?
- A. No. If you are sufficiently impudent, you may in the past have been a betting-man, a crossing-sweeper, or an unqualified dentist.
- Q. Will you have any difficulty in securing a theatre?
- A. Not at all. You will always find someone willing to accept you as a lessee without making any inquiry as to your antecedents.
- Q. Having obtained a theatre, what is your next step?
- A. To get together a company. This is easily managed, as the dramatic trade-journals give every week a long list of actors and actresses who are "resting."
- Q. What do you understand by such a word?
- A. That the advertiser is much in need of an engagement, but is too proud to acknowledge it.
- Q. Such a frame of mind is, I suppose, favourable to hurried and unconsidered engagements?
- A. Quite so. It is an easy matter to get an entire company on excellent terms. Not that money is of any importance; for you may as well promise five pounds a week as five shillings, if you do not intend to pay.
- Q. Having secured your company, what is the next step?
- A. To make them rehearse three weeks or a month without a salary.
- Q. I suppose you have no trouble about obtaining a piece on advantageous terms?
- A. None whatever. If you are lucky you will get some conceited noodle to pay you for producing his play; and if you are not so fortunate, why at least you will get a drama, comedy, or burlesque for nothing.
- Q. Say that you are ready to begin, will you have any difficulty in obtaining the preliminary announcements?
- A. No. For having been trusted by the proprietor of the theatre, the advertisement agents will follow suit, and you will obtain sufficient publicity to balance your requirements.
- Q. And what will take place on and after the opening of the playhouse under your management?
- A. You will get more or less ready money taken at the doors during five days of the week, with which you can safely decamp without paying anybody on or before the sixth.
- Q. Will not your sudden departure cause some inconvenience to a large number of persons connected with the enterprise?
- A. Assuredly. Many of the company you have engaged will starve, and the other parties to the proceedings will use strong language as they wipe off your liability as a bad debt.
- Q. Is it possible that you will be made a bankrupt?
- A. Not only possible, but probable.
- Q. And will this end your theatrical career?
- A. Why, of course not. All you will have to do is to take a little holiday.
- Q. And after the holiday, what next?
- A. Why, then you can secure another theatre and repeat the proceedings with exactly similar results.
NEWS FROM THE LAW COURTS.
Cold but In-vig-orating.