Tommy B. got his eye on him. Not without suspicion that this new departure has something to do with old, now closed, campaign against the Budget. Tommy warned the Squire whilst in Committee that his Death Duties would not reap the full harvest anticipated. Every little helps. What with actual concussions and sudden frights, Bicycle Fiend leads in course of financial year to considerable succession of property changing on sudden death, with concurrent toll paid to Treasury. If the Bicycle Fiend can only be placed on same footing as the common carrier, or the harried hansom-cab driver, the death-rate would appreciably decrease, and with it the flow of legacy and succession duties. Tommy may or may not look thus far ahead. No matter, if he only succeeds in restraining a nuisance that is a disgrace to a civilised community.
The Member for Sark tells me he has a Short Way with the B. F., which makes him to considerable extent indifferent to slower action of Home Secretary, who has evidently never had his shins barked by this agency. Sark says when he takes his walks abroad he usually carries a stick or umbrella. When, crossing a road, he hears the tinkle of the Fiend's bell, insolently and imperatively ordering him out of the way on pain of being run over, he, instead of flying for his life, as is the use of the ordinary citizen, carelessly throws stick or umbrella lance-wise across hollow of right or left arm, according as the Fiend approaches from one direction or the other. Thus armed he leisurely pursues his way. If the Fiend continues on the track, he will run with face or chest on to the point of the umbrella. As that would be inconvenient to him, he slows up or goes on another tack, and when he arrives home writes a letter to the Bicycling Blister, indignantly denouncing a street passenger who wouldn't get out of his way.
Business done.—Vote on Account through Committee.
Tuesday.—"Prince Arthur," said Sark, looking across at the Front Opposition Bench whilst Courtney was speaking, "succeeds in hiding all traces of storm behind a smiling countenance. Joseph, on the contrary, more ingenuous, less acute in practice of worldly wiles, enables one to realise, even at this long distance of time, what Balak, the son of Zippor, King of Moab, looked like when he stood in the high places of Baal, and listened to Balaam's remarks on the motion for the time-closure to be applied to the Children of Israel, who had pitched their tents in the plains of Moab beyond the Jordan at Jericho, and declined to budge at the bidding of Balak."
Appearance of Parliamentary Balaam on scene dramatically effective. Crowded House worked up to highest pitch of excitement by swift encounter, in which John Morley had followed Prince Arthur, and Joseph, springing in from behind, had clouted the Chief Secretary on the head. The Squire had moved time-closure on Evicted Tenants Bill in speech the studied tameness and provoking brevity of which had riled Opposition much more than if he had belaboured them with Harcourtian phrase. Sage of Queen Anne's Gate said a few words, preparatory to packing up for holiday; then Courtney rose from Joseph's side to continue debate. Members, taking it for granted that he, possibly with some reservations in favour of Eviction Bill whose second reading he had supported, was about to say ditto to Joseph on question of Closure, began to move towards door. Arrested by Courtney's solemn tone, and his expression of regret, evidently unfeigned, at deplorable condition in which the House found itself. "Woe to those through whom offences come!" cried Courtney in voice which, as he said, was of one crying in the wilderness, and seemed for its perfect effect to lack only hirsute garb, stave and honeypot. "Through whom did the offence come? Surely," continued the Prophet, bending shaggy eyebrows upon the bench where the Busy B's hive, "the offence lies with those Members who, disregarding the true uses, functions, duties, and high mission of the House, abuse their powers, intent to destroy possibility of the right conduct of public business."
Not Ministers, then, with the Squire at their head, responsible for the deadlock, as Prince Arthur had painted the scene, and as Joseph had touched it up with stronger colour. It was the Busy Bees. They and "a junta of irresponsible landlords enforcing their will upon those who ought to resist them."
O Balaam! Balaam! M.P. for Bodmin. Was it for this Joseph led thee into the field of Zophim, to the top of Pisgah? For this did Prince Arthur build seven altars, and offer up the Squire of Malwood on every one of them? Long time since such a scene was wrought in the House. Saunderson pished and pshawed, and looked anxiously round for Logan. Bartley blushed; Hanbury was hushed; and a tear trickled down the pale cheek of Tommy Bowles—Cap'en no longer, disrated and denounced.
Business done.—Time-Closure resolution carried.
Thursday.—Such larks! Yesterday time-closure came into operation in connection with Evicted Tenants Bill. Arranged that if debate on Clause I not finished by eleven o'clock to-night, all Amendments remaining on paper shall be submitted to vote without further debate. Obstruction scotched; wriggles helplessly, like eel in muddy depths of river, smitten by the spear.
"Shan't play," whimper Prince Arthur and Joseph, mingling their tears at this fresh evidence of tyranny, this last illustration of man's inhumanity to man.