I.—The Old Way.
Scene.—A Chamber in a Civic Building. The Town Clerk and the Auditor discovered at a table covered with papers.
Clerk. Then I believe that you are entirely satisfied with the accounts?
Auditor. Oh, perfectly. (After a pause.) There is one item I wanted to ask about—I've no doubt you'll be able to explain it satisfactorily—it's this "£25 for ginger-beer to the Mayor and Council on the occasion of opening the new Cemetery." Does not—er—that sum represent a rather large number of bottles?
Clerk (in an off-hand way). Well, we put down ginger-beer, you know, as it looks better, and there's a rather strong temperance party in the borough. Of course, it was really champagne—"extra sec," too, you bet!
Auditor. Oh, of course. I merely mentioned the matter for the sake of form. And the "£15 for cigars"—that was an expenditure incurred at the same time, I conclude?
Clerk (carelessly). Oh, yes. Y'see, one of the Councillors is the leading tobacconist in the place.
Auditor (relieved). Ah, that accounts for it. Then these "models of the Crematorium in gold and jewels, as brooches for the wives of the Councillors"—I see they come to £105 in all.
Clerk (sternly). You don't object to the brooches, I presume?
Auditor (anxiously). Oh, not at all. Not in the least. A most—er—praiseworthy method of spending the ratepayers' money.