Auditor (after a guffaw). Capital! "Out of season"—out of reason, too, I should say. Of course I must surcharge the oysters and Chablis. Really, I'm enjoying myself immensely!
Clerk (gloomily). I hope the Council will feel equal enjoyment at your report. Do you mean seriously——
Auditor. Seriously! Not a bit of it. I tell you I'm a comic character. And what better practical joke can one play than suddenly to come down on public officials with an audit disallowing all their little personal luxuries? Afraid I must strike out these items of "Visits to Olympia by Corporation to inspect the lighting arrangements," and "Ditto at Empire and Alhambra Theatres." No doubt the Aldermen will be glad to pay for them themselves. Now I think the business is finished. Lunch? No, thanks. A screaming joke like this is lunch enough for me.
[Crams handkerchief in mouth, and exit.
[207]
CANT v. CANT.
If "want of decency is want of sense," So want of sense may very likely lead To want of decency. The poor pretence Of interested vice sense will not heed. A satyr's satire is but sorry stuff; Anti-Cant's canting is most sickening fudge. Belial, who backs his trade with bounce and bluff, Wins not a case where wisdom is the judge. Protests against the pryings of the prude Are not to help the profitably lewd.