"WINDING 'EM UP."
["If he believed that the majority of the Liberal-Unionist party, or indeed any considerable section of them, held the opinion which was expressed by this writer in the Times, he, for one, would at once resign the responsible position which he held, and would claim to take up a more independent position, because he was certain that their efforts would be fruitless, and that they would not succeed in defeating the policy of Home Rule if they were to accept the negative position which had been suggested to them."—Mr. Chamberlain at Durham.]
Showman Joe soliloquiseth:—
Waxworks indeed! Hah! I've took over the management of 'em, and I suppose, as Misther Thleary said, I must "make the betht of 'em, not the wurtht." But I'm a bit tired of the job—sometimes.
Wish I could feel Mrs. Jarley's pride in the whole bag o' tricks! 'Ave to purtend to, of course. Can't cry creaky waxworks any more than you can stinking fish. But a more rusty, sluggish, wheezy, wobbly, jerky, uncertain, stick-fast, stodgy, unwillin' lot o' wax figgers I never did——Well, there, it tries a conscience of injy-rubber to crack 'em up and patter of 'em into poppylarity, blowed if it don't!
Kim up, Dook! Dashed if 'e don't look as if 'e fancied hisself the Sleepin' Beauty, and wanted to forty-wink it for another centry. Look at the flabby flop of 'im! Jest as though 'e wouldn't move if 'is nose wos a meltin'. Large as life, and twice as nateral? Wy, a kid's Guy Fox on the fifth o' November 'ud give 'im hodds, and lick 'is 'ead orf—heasy! Bin a-ileing 'is works this ever so long, and still 'e moves as if 'is wittles wos sand-paper, and 'is drink witrol. Kim up!
As to the Markis, well, 'e's a bit older, but dashed if 'e don't move livelier—when 'e is on the shift. At the present moment 'owever, utter confloption is a cycle-sprinter to 'im. As if a pair o' niddity-noddities in "negative" positions was likely to fetch 'em in front in these days! Yah!
Should like to keep the Old Show a-runnin', too,—leastways, until I can start a bran-new one of my very own. Won't run to it yet, I'm afraid. Oh, to boss a big booth-full all to myself! I'd show 'em! This Combination Show—old stock-in-trade of one company, and cast-offs from another—ain't the best o' bisness arter all. But I must keep 'em together as a going concern till I can run a star company of my own choosing. 'Ere, 'and us that ile-can again! Talk about rust and rickets!
Curting about to be rung up? Then I must get 'em in working horder somehow! 'Ang this Dook! Can't git anythink nateral out of 'im—'cept a yawn. That 'e does as like as life. Kim up old nose-o'-wax and don't nod yerself into nothingness! 'Ow much more ile do yer rusty old innards want to stop their clogging and creaking?
Proprietors beginning to pull long faces at my pace? 'Int that I'll shake the machinery to smithereens by too much haction? Well, I am blowed! Wy, they'd slow down a sick snail, and 'andicap a old tortus, they would! Tell yer wot it is, if they don't give me a free 'and at the crank I shall turn the whole thing up, so there! Some nameless, nidnoddy, negative old crocks 'ave bin a-earwigging 'em, that's wot's the matter. But I give 'em the straight tip, if they lend a ear to them slow-going stick-in-the-muds, I shall jest resign my responserble persition, and take up a hindependent one—jine the Opposition Show, or p'r'aps start one o' my own, and then where will they be, I wonder?