"'Ad any Breakfus' 's Mornin'?"
"Not a Drop!"
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday Night, February 11.—The other day rumour about that Tim Healy, weary of strife, finding how sharper than a serpent's tooth is the enmity of parted friends, had resolved to retire from political life. That news, if true, would eclipse the gaiety of Parliament. Tim's manner may not be precisely described as gay. It is, in truth, somewhat saturnine; rather raspy, occasionally vitriolic. If there is any instruction to be conveyed, Tim approves the fashion of the ancient Israelitish captain, who "taught the men of Succoth with thorns of the wilderness and briars." Tim's former colleagues, now ranged under modest leadership of John Redmond, are, he conscientiously believes, much in need of instruction. So to-night Tim "taught them" with thorns of the wilderness and briars.
A brisk debate, falling into most attractive sequence. This in measure accidental; looked like admirable stage management. First John Redmond, with his neatly-moulded phrases, his assumption of profound statecraft, his assertion that Tories please him not, nor Liberals either; his conclusion that since Government are on friendly terms with the major Irish Party, the minor (nine strong) will march into lobby with Prince Arthur, whom they used to hate, and Joseph of Birmingham, whom they scarcely love. Next John Morley, stirred to unusually profound depths, his speech glowing above the unwonted fire. Then Prince Arthur, gracefully skating on exceedingly thin ice, incidentally dropping into imagery on successive phases of the married state, which House, ever alert for personal references, listened to with quickened interest. A scholar's current speech or writing is insensibly tinctured with flavour of his latest study. Odd that just now Prince Arthur should display this curiously minute knowledge and appreciation of various phases of married life as it is to be studied in books of reference.
Finally, Tim, his truculence tempered by humour of the situation. John Redmond protested he had made no bargain with Opposition in transferring to them his handful of votes. Prince Arthur had confirmed disclaimer. Too much for tender-hearted Tim. Tears glistened in his eyes; his voice trembled; his hand shook; his body seemed to grow limp, as he lamented this last degeneration of ancient Irish spirit.