Neutral Waiter. "I SHALL NEVAIR ONDERSTAND ZIS LANGUAGE. ZAT OFFICER—I SAY TO HIM, 'GOOT MORNING, 'OW ARE YOU?' 'E SAY, 'DAM 'ONGRY AND FED OP'!"
SIGNS OF THE TIMES.
[The management of The Times, of which the price was raised on Monday to twopence, is anxious, in view of the paper famine, to restore the old custom by which this journal was subscribed for jointly or loaned, whether gratuitously or by newsagents at one penny a perusal. Having "determined to restrict the sale and encourage the circulation of each copy in several houses daily, the managers will not hesitate, as a last resort, to increase the selling price to sevenpence per copy.">[
From "The Evening Uproar."
BATTLE IN THE WEST-END.
Piccadilly Circus was the scene of an appalling fracas this afternoon. Shortly after two o'clock a quietly-dressed middle-aged man, at present unidentified, was observed stealing cautiously from the Tube station with a thick wad of Treasury notes in one hand and a copy of "The Times" in the other! The sight of this latter seems to have sent several passers-by completely mad. The wretched stranger was instantly set upon, his journal torn from his hand and his limbs very severely mauled. The Treasury notes, unremarked in the fearful mélée, fell into the mud and were devoured by a passing Pekinese. Those now in possession of the priceless document were in turn set upon by others, until all Piccadilly Circus became a battlefield. The deplorable behaviour of motor-bus and taxicab drivers added greatly to the carnage, for these men, rendered frantic by the thought of the loot within their reach, repeatedly drove their vehicles into the seething mass of humanity in their efforts to acquire this unthinkable treasure. No official estimate of the casualties is yet to hand.
Stop Press.—Reason to believe unknown archdeacon got away West with part of sheet of "Finance and Commerce." Police, specials, military and fire-brigade now in pursuit.