A WORD OF ILL OMEN.
Crown Prince (to KAISER, drafting his next speech). "FOR GOTT'S SAKE, FATHER, BE CAREFUL THIS TIME, AND DON'T CALL THE AMERICAN ARMY 'CONTEMPTIBLE.'"
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Tuesday, June 5th.—In listless and dejected mood the House of Commons reassembled after its all-too-brief recess. Members collectively missed their Mark, for Colonel Lockwood, the only popular Food Controller in history, had been summoned upstairs and left the Kitchen Committee to its fate. The shower of Privy Councillorships, baronetcies and knighthoods which had simultaneously descended upon the faithful Commons afforded little compensation for this irreparable loss; and even the sight of the Attorney-General's immaculate spats appearing over the edge of the Table was insufficient to dispel the prevailing gloom.
Colonel Lockwood's Farewell to the Kitchen on his elevation to the Upper House.
Mr. Pemberton-Billing made a gallant effort to galvanize his colleagues into life. Remembering that it was an air-raid that got him into the House—some people will never forgive the Germans for this—he seldom allows a similar incident to pass without endeavouring to improve the occasion. As his policy of "two bombs to one" failed to intrigue Mr. Bonar Law he sought to move the adjournment, but when the Question was put only five Members, instead of the necessary forty, rose in its support.
If Sir H. Dalziel has his way, and the consumer is allowed to purchase his sugar unrefined, the British breakfast will become a most exciting meal. Lice, beetles and, on one occasion, a live lizard have been found in the bags arriving from Cuba. Even with meat at its present price, Captain Bathurst doubts whether such additions to our dietary would be really welcome.