In Re An action against Satan.
(Mr. H.E. Duke, K.C.)
What I most admire in the Chief Secretary for Ireland is his wonderful self-restraint. When Mr. Ginnell stridently inquired whether to institute legal process against the police in Ireland was not like bringing an action against Satan in hell, the ordinary man would have been tempted to reply: "The hon. Member probably has sources of information not accessible to me." Mr. Duke contented himself with mildly suggesting that the hon. Member should "apply his own intelligence to that matter." Perhaps, however, he meant much the same thing.
Half the sitting was taken up with discussing whether Messrs. Jowett and Ramsay Macdonald should be given passports to Russia. Mr. Bonar Law clinched the matter by saying that the Russian Government wanted them. Well, de gustibus, etc.
Tuesday, June 12th.—Perhaps the most wonderful revelation of the War has been the adaptability of the British working-man. Mr. Cathcart Wason called attention to the case of a professional gardener who, having been recruited for home service, had first been turned into a bricklayer's assistant, then into an assistant-dresser, and finally into a munition-maker. For some time the Ministry of Munitions seems to have been loth to part with the services of this Admirable Crichton, but having learned from the Board of Agriculture that there was a shortage of food it has now consented to restore him to his original vocation.
Captain Bathurst refuses to be a potato prophet.
It will be a thousand pities if Captain Bathurst should persist in leaving the department of the Food-Controller. If he could only keep down food-prices as effectively as he does irrelevant questioners he would be worth his weight in "Bradburys." His latest victim is Mr. Pennefather, who has developed a keen curiosity on the subject of potatoes. Did not the Government think that the high price would cause premature "lifting"? Were they aware that potatoes could be used for making rubber substitutes and cement; and would they assure the House that there would be an abundance of them for the next twelve months'? Captain Bathurst declined to figure in the rôle of prophet, and, for the rest, remarked that the hon. Member appeared to have an insatiable appetite for crambe repetita. Mr. Pennefather is understood to be still searching the Encyclopædia to discover the properties of this vegetable, with the view of putting a few posers on the subject to Captain Bathurst (or his successor) next week.
As the friends of Proportional Representation are wont to refer to their little pet by the affectionate diminutive of "P.R.," they can hardly be surprised that its appearance should lead to combats recalling in intensity the palmy days of the Prize Ring. It was designed that the Front Bench should be content to perform the function of judicious bottle-holder, and leave the issue to be fought out by the rest of the House. But Sir F.E. Smith, like the Irishman who inquired, "Is this a private fight, or may anyone join in?" could not refrain from trailing his coat, and quickly found a doughty opponent in Mr. Hayes Fisher. The House so much enjoyed the unusual freedom of the fight that it would probably be going on still but for that spoil-sport, the Home Secretary, who begged Members to come to a decision. By 149 votes to 141 "P.R." was "down and out."
