Troop-ship Officer. "ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU, SIR?"
Enterprising American. "I GUESS SO. I'M THE CINEMATOGRAPH OPERATOR WHO'S GOING TO TAKE A FILM THE FIRST TIME YOU'RE TORPEDOED, AND I'VE GOT A LETTER FROM YOUR FOLKS INSTRUCTING YOU TO GIVE ME EVERY FACILITY."
A SURPRISE PARTY.
"Five-and-thirty wounded Tommies coming to tea and one of them coming to his death, but he doesn't know it," moaned Emily, and waved a knife round her head.
I saw what had happened. All this bun-baking and cake-making had been too much for my poor wife. She had been living in the oven for a week.
"You're overdone. Lie down and try to get a little nap before they come," I said soothingly. "Everything's ready."
"Will he die without a sound, or will he gurgle?" said Emily, and brought the knife within an inch of my nose.
"No one is going to die at our tea-party, dear," I said, and ducked.
"Not after swallowing that?" shrieked Emily, and lunged at me with the knife again.