Mistress. "I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU CAN TO ECONOMISE THE FOOD."
Cook. "OH, YES'M. WE'VE PUT THE CAT ON MILK-AN'-WATER."
PARS WITH A PUNCH.
ALL THE REAL NEWS ABOUT MEN, WOMEN AND THINGS.
BY OUR RAMBLING GOSSIP.
(With acknowledgments to some of our contemporaries.)
A Long-Felt Want.
The opening, next week, of a Training School for Bus and Tube Travellers will, it is hoped, supply a long-felt want in the Metropolis. I understand that a month's course at the establishment will enable the feeblest of mortals to hold his own and more in the fearful mêlée that rages daily round train and vehicle. I have a prospectus before me as I write; here are some of its sub-heads: "The Strap-Hanger's Stranglehold," "Foot Frightfulness," "How to Enter a Bus Secretly," "The Umbrella Barrage," "Explosives—When their Use is Justified," "What to do when the Conductor Falls off the Bus." This certainly promises a speedy amelioration of present-day travelling conditions.
Timbuctoo Tosh.
Last week, when all those ridiculous rumours anent Timbuctoo were flying about, you will remember how I warned you to set no faith in them. You will admit that I was a good counsellor. Nothing has happened at Timbuctoo. I doubt very much whether anything could happen there.
Hush!