A CAUTIOUS DICTATOR.
PRESIDENT WILSON (dictating a message to the American Nation). "AT LAST WE MAY FAIRLY SAY THAT THE DOVE OF PEACE HAS SIGHTED DRY LAND." (Pauses). "ONE MOMENT—I'M NOT QUITE SURE THEY'LL LIKE THAT WORD 'DRY.'"
[The New York World asserts that President WILSON has promised to set aside the Prohibition Law if he finds that popular opinion is opposed to it.]
SAFETY FIRST.
The fact being now established to the satisfaction of the authorities that the public is composed almost exclusively of drivelling idiots, a campaign has been instituted for adding to the decorations of London by placarding the walls with hints on how to avoid various violent deaths.
We are surrounded now by blood-curdling photographs of people being run over by omnibuses or dribbled along the street by horses attached to brewers' drays, these illustrations being accompanied by explanatory notes as to the inevitable result of crossing roads with your eyes shut or your fingers in your ears and endeavouring to alight from moving omnibuses by means of the back somersault or the swallow dive. We are also implored to make quite sure, before alighting from a train, that it is really at a station.