CHAPTER IV.—Quite Killing.
The country we now occupied was called New Pendy—no doubt because it had never been written about before. It is not very necessary to describe the lands or the people; and really the most remarkable thing in the place was a staircase, of a very wonderful character. Let the reader imagine, if he can, a splendid stairway, sixty-five feet from balustrade to balustrade, consisting of two vast flights, each of one hundred and twenty-five steps, of eight inches in height, by three feet broad, connected by a flat resting-place sixty feet in length, and running from the palace wall, on the edge of the precipice down to meet a waterway or canal cut to its foot from the river. This was the great staircase, the magnificence of which fairly took our breath away.[4]
Having described the staircase, it is only necessary to say that the New Pendies were governed by two Queens, one of whom fell in love with Sir Harry and married him, quarrelled with her sister, and engaged in a civil war which rent the country in twain. This naturally occasioned a good deal of bloodshed. Never shall I forget the manner in which Tryleapyea (the lady who honoured Sir Harry with her preference) wooed that individual. When they first met they could not speak the same language, so she took a pencil from me and made a delightful little sketch, which I give in the margin. There is no difficulty in recognising a bride expressing admiration at a wedding-cake.
Need I say that after her marriage Tryleapyea's subjects had the most terrible fight with the subjects of her sister Saramariah, which was chiefly waged on the staircase. This happened after I and Umbugsoapygas had performed together a kind of "Turpin's Ride to York," from the battlefield. Adolphe escaped to post these memoirs—Umbugsoapygas was cut to pieces. Sir Henry and Bong in his blue spectacles, were kept for ever in the New Pendy country, and, finally, I myself was killed, funeralled, and cremated.[5]
FOOTNOTES:
[1] Editor. Surely I have heard this title before, or one very similar to it?
Author. No, I think not.
[2]Editor. Surely I have read this conversation, almost word for word, somewhere?
Author. No, I think not.