Curiosity, which is the Waiter's weekness, makes me inquire, why so many Cow Boys when there aint not no Cows? We wound up with a Bufferlow hunt, but as the animals was jest as uncurry-combed and as dirty as afore, I gammoned Mrs. Robert, who was with me, that it was ardly a site for a reel dellycat lady to witness, so we went off to see the Toboggening, and grate fun it was to look at. But, to my extreme estonishment nothink wood do but Mrs. Robert must try it, and, in spite of all my remonstrances, I presently found myself a seated with my bitter arf on the top of an high hill, about to be launched hedlong on our wild career with ony a piece of rope to guide us and nothink to stop us. Oh, that dedly moment of hezitashun! and then the rush through the hair with sitch litening speed as made Mrs. Robert give jest a little squeal. How any sane person having wunce tried this new game, which recalled to fond memory the sensashun of my fust swing, can wish to repeat the dose, I carnt understand. He suttenly ought to have the stummuck of a Horsestrich rather than of a Halderman. The fond partner of my fate having a little hedake after her rash xperryment, which she insisted upon declaring was owing to the rifle-shooting, I adwised her to leave the noisy scene and seek the cumfort of her quiet home, promising to jine her hurly, so she went. I was afterwards asked to try the Switch-back Railway, but learning from a prewious wictim as how the sensation reminded him of the fust time as he crossed the Channel, I declined with thanks.
Robert Tobogganing.
Hoping to meet with the Kernel who had promised to introduce me to the Hon. Mr. William Bufferlow, Esquire, wulgerly called Bufferlow Bill, I sauntered round to the Injians encampment, but was there told he had gone to dine with some other Savages at the Savage Club, so I coudn't see him. Howsumever I fell into conwersation with one of the tip-top managers, and he introduced me to sum of the principal Braves, as they calls 'em, and their Squaws, and porposes. They was worry affable and perlite, as I'm told as all reel savages is, but I carnt say much for their hartistick taste. There was one savage lady with a savage dorter and a pickaninny about rising four, as grately surprised me. The yung lady wood have bin werry good looking if her Ma had let her alone, but she had painted her two cheeks such a brite skarlet that skarlet runners is nothing to 'em, and as for the pore little chap his hole face was painted a greenish yeller, like a werry bad case of jarndice, and all his air a brite green. But such is my natral perliteness, that when his fond Ma held him up to me and said, "Lookee, lookee, ain't him Booty?" I said, "Oh! yessee, yessee!" I didn't dare to kiss it, for fear its face wood have stuck to mine, witch woudn't ha bin nice.
A Little Indian Rubber.
I spent a werry plessent evening with the principle performers such as Red Shirt, and Cut Meat, and sum others, and whenever the conwersashun flagged I surgested a adjurnment to the Amerrycan Bar, and we allus tried a new drink, and this I will say for my forren frends that they took them all with the same coolness as if they had been the native drinks of the Far West End. The larst one we tried was called "A Yard of flannel," and for warmth and cumfort it was well-named, but somehows I fancy it must ha bin rayther a staggerer, for I remember werry little of what took place afterwards. But I have sum dim recklekshun of playing at cards with two Chiefs and a Squaw, and that one of them had a dress on sumthink like a porky-pine with his squills, and that I lost my money, and that sum familyer voice said, "Why, Robert, you've lost your Injian Rubber!" at witch we all larfed. How I got home I don't werry well remember, but I do remember, and shall probberbly never forget, the werry warm recepshun I met when at length I arrived there, or the nex morning's hed hake. I don't think I shall try "a yard of flannel," again in an hurry.
Robert.