You can understand, Mon cher Monsieur, that I cannot, in the short space at my disposal in this limited letter, do more than merely outline the suggestion of the New Rules, but when I assure you that they have been cautiously thought out, drawn up and revised by a carefully selected Committee, comprising, among other noted experts, a Major-General of Engineers, two Analytical Chemists, a Balloon Proprietor, an Archbishop, a Wild-beast Tamer, a Ballet Master, a Professor of Anatomy, a Patent Artificial Limb Maker, and a Champion Fighter of Le Boxe Americain, you will see that the features of the game, gay, murderous, active, and terrible, have all been considered with a due regard to their preservation where this has been found compatible with the sacredness of human life and the protection of le shin from too much furious and brutal bruising. But here I subjoin a few of the simpler "New Provisions" as adopted by the Committee.
1. "Le Balle."—He will be constructed of Gold-beater's Skin, and covered with Pink or Blue Satin, with perhaps a few White Silk Bows, sewn on to him for the purpose of elegant adornment. It is this making of "Le Balle," a light, gay, and altogether ethereal creation which will strike the key-note of the new game of Le Kick-Balle Fight as a recognised pastime for the courageous youth of modern France.
2. Le Onze, will all wear one uniform, which will consist of white satin slippers, pantalons of cashmere, with feather pillows worn as a protection strapped over the knees, a bolster being wound round the body to safeguard the chest, ribs, and spinal column. A broad gay, coloured satin sash with a cocked hat and ostrich feathers completes the costume. The last to indicate, owing to the risks and dangers in which the combatants may be involved, its association with le vrai champs de bataille, to which, but for the "new provisions" it would bear such a terrible and striking resemblance.
3. "Le 'Arf-back."—This dangerous officer is abolished altogether, the Committee being of opinion, unanimous and decisive, that the position is only provocative of strife.
4. "Le Forward."—He is for the same reason equally abolished, and in the French game exists no more.
5. "Le Goal-keepere."—He may keep "Le Goal" if he can do so without danger of being struck in the face with "Le Balle."
6. "Le Balle" must, on no account, be touched with the foot, but merely slapped playfully, enough for the purposes of propulsion, with the palm of the open hand.
7. "Le Scrimmage." This barbarous and savage entanglement is absolutely défendu. No two opposing combatants must ever, under any circumstances, permit themselves to touch each other. The great skill of the new game will be, by subtle and appropriate gesticulation, to dance out of each other's way. On any two opposing combatants, by any chance, touching each other, "Le Capitaine" of either side will appeal to the Umpire, and, after the manner of "Le jeu de Cricket," will propose for him the simple question, "Mister Umpire, 'ow is that?" Upon which, that official saying "Out!" the two offenders will be struck from the game, and enjoy no share of "Le gate-money," if that is the prize for which the two teams are honourably contending.
The above, Mon cher Monsieur, are the principal Rules, as arranged by the Committee, and you will see that they have been drawn up with a view to eliminating the bloodthirsty boule-dogue ferocity from a pastime which, under the title of Le Kick-Balle Fight, bids fair to become the characteristic sport, gay, active, and courage-inspiring, of our modern French youth awakened with élan and ardour to the athletic spirit of the age which has overtaken them.
Receive, Mon cher Monsieur, the assurance of my most distinguished consideration,