SELL UNIVERSALIS.—Professor SLOTTER, B.J.W.K.R.S., &c., Public Analyst to the Midland Patents Puffing Association, writes:—"I have made a careful analysis of several sealed bottles of this unique preparation, and, as far as I can make out, I have no hesitation in saying that its claim to contain in every single teaspoonful 'all the active principle of two bottles of "'36" champagne, five pounds of pork chops, a pint of train oil, a tinned lobster, a pot of bears' grease, and 73 per cent. of the best boot-blacking and dog-biscuit,' is substantially correct. I have not as yet prescribed it for any of my own patients, but, if I find my practice inconveniently extended, I shall probably do so."
SELL UNIVERSALIS instantly cures lumbago, toothache, hay-fever, nettlerash, staggers, elephantiasis, and many other ordinary nursery disorders.
SELL UNIVERSALIS.—"A TRUSTFUL COUNTRY CLERGYMAN" writes:—"I have often had one leg in the grave, on the occasions on which I have been subject to successive attacks of lumbago, toothache, hay-fever, nettlerash, staggers, elephantiasis, and many other ordinary nursery disorders, but I have always found that, by having recourse to a bottle of SELL UNIVERSALIS, I have been enabled slowly to draw it out again; at least, I fancy so."
SELL UNIVERSALIS, if taken "injudiciously," and administered with judgment, will kill the aged, and remove the youthful.
SELL UNIVERSALIS.—"A CIRCUMSPECT SOLICITOR WITH AN EYE TO THE MAIN CHANCE," writes:—"Having had seven aged uncles and an infant nephew who stood between me and the enjoyment of a trifling annuity, I presented them all last Christmas with a bottle of the 'SELL,' coupling the gift with the playful injunction that 'the faster they got through it the longer they would live.' By the 10th of January I had buried the whole eight of them. You are quite welcome to make what use you can of this; but, for obvious reasons, I suppress my name and address."