If thee should come this way next summer, to ruralize, thee might behold our swollen Schuylkill, and say, Enough! Thee might see our City Fathers, and say, Good! Doubtless thee has heard of our butter? Well, thee might then taste it, and also say, Good!—if thee likes. It is cheap. Thee will understand me, friend, that it is cheap to say "Good" and good to say "Cheap."
If thee will but talk "plain language," thee may circulate freely in our streets, and behold our horses and dogs rubbing noses against the fountains; nay, refreshing themselves thereat by the sight and sound of little water!
Cruelty to Animals is Prevented—but thee knows this; for has thee not thy BERGH? Thee does with one BERGH, but we have two—Pittsburg and Harrisburg—and, moreover, a proverb which says, "Every man thinketh his own goose a SWANN" If thee needs, we can spare thee Harrisburg, and trust to the laws of Providence.
But, friend PUNCHINELLO, if thee comes here, thee must be careful what thee does. If thee does nothing, thee may be restrained. Thrift accords not with idleness.
We permit none but official corner loungers and "dead beats;" and, having a very FOX for a Mayor—whose police are sharp as steel traps—thee comes into danger, unless thee be a Repeater. True, thee might disguise thyself in liquor and—as friend Fox taketh none—escape.
This epistle is written out of kindly regard for thee, and because the Spirit moveth me to wish thee well and a long life; although thee may not live long enough to behold our new Public Buildings, the site of which no man living can foresee.
I remain, thine in peace,
PHINEAS BHODBRIMME,
PHILADELPHIA, 3d Month, 29th, 1870. Mulberry Street.