Indians were the first inhabitants of this country. "Lo!" was the first, only, and original aboriginal. His statue may be seen outside of almost any cigar-store. His descendants are still called "Low," though often over six feet in height. The Indian is generally red, but in time of war he becomes a "yeller." He lives in the forest, and is often "up a tree." Indians believe in ghosts, and when the Spirit moves them, they move the Spirits. (N.B. They have no excise law.) They have an objection to crooked paths, preferring to take every thing "straight." Although fond of rum, they do not possess the Spirit of the old Rum-uns. They are deficient in all metals except brass. This they have in large quantities. The Indian is very benevolent; and believing that "uneasy lies the head that wears a crown," he often scalps his friends to allow them to sleep better. This is touching in the extreme. He is also very hospitable, often treating his captives to a hot Stake. This is also touching—especially to the captive. He is very ingenious in inventing new modes of locomotion. Riding on a rail is one of these. This is done after dinner, in order to aid the digestion, although they often "settle your hash" in a different way. Indians are independent, and can "paddle their own canoes." It is very picturesque to see an Indian, who is a little elevated, in a Tight canoe when the water is High. (No allusion to LONGFELLOW'S "Higherwater" is intended.) Indians are pretty good shots, often shooting rapids. Their aim is correct; but as Miss CAPULET observes, "What's in an aim?" (Answer in our next.) They are also skilful with the long-bow. This does not, however, indicate that they take an arrow view of things. Not at all. Sometimes, when reduced by famine, they live on arrow-root. Sometimes they dip the points of their arrows in perfume, after which they (the arrows, not the Indians) are Scent. That this fact was known to Mr. SHAKESPEARE is shown by his line,
"Arrows by any other name would smell as wheat."
What is meant by the allusion to wheat is not quite clear; but it probably refers to old Rye. An Indian may be called the Bow ideal of a man. And then, again, he may not. It is a bad habit to call names. The Western people have given up the Bow, but still retain the Bowie. "Hang up the fiddle and the bow," (BYRON.) Perhaps it is arrowing to their feelings. Perhaps it is not. The Indian is different from the Girl of the Period. He has "two strings to his bow," while she has two beaux "on a string."
CAUSE AND EFFECT.
When the Daily Trombone warns the POPE of Rome that his course is prejudicial to the interests of true Catholics, the venerable prelate doubtless adopts a new policy forthwith. When the Evening Slasher informs NAPOLEON that unless he conciliates the people of France his dynasty will be overthrown, the Emperor doubtless at once confers with his Minister of State concerning the advice thus proffered. When the Morning Pontoon warns VICTORIA that her persistent seclusion is damaging to the cause of the throne, Her Gracious Majesty, without doubt, changes her habits of life instanter. When the Sunday Blowpipe sagely informs BISMARCK that he is a blunderer, the great diplomatist is probably thrown into convulsions by the appalling intelligence. When the Weekly Gasmeter coolly accuses the Czar of Russia of insincerity and double-dealing, that potentate doubtless writes a private note to the editor, defending his honor and policy. When the Gridiron advises VICTOR EMMANUEL to be less rigid in his diplomacy, or he will regret it, beyond question V.E., alarmed and chagrined, reverses his policy in accordance with the advice tendered. When the Daily Pumpkin informs GRANT that the people are disappointed in him, he simply smokes.
Very Fishy!
An English exchange speaks of the Emperor of Russia as "a queer fish." Must we infer from this that he is a Czar-dine?