CONDENSED CONGRESS.

SENATE. DRAKE quacked according to his custom--this time about the propriety of hanging people in the Southern States. There were several people in Missouri whom he particularly desired to see extinguished. He referred to the fiends in human shape, whose hands were dripping with loyal gore, and whom the unrepentant rebels of his State actually desired to send to the Senate, in the place of himself. He lacked words to express his sense of so gross an outrage. He thought that he could be comparatively happy if forty thousand men were hanged or otherwise "disabled" from voting against him. That would make his reëlection a pretty sure thing. Mr. FERRY said he really thought this thing had gone far enough. People were coming to understand that the general run, he did not refer to Bull Run, of the Northern army was just about as good, and no better, than the general run, he did not refer to Gettysburgh, of the Southern army. As for DRAKE, he was a canard, and his statement was another. He did not approve of the bloody Drakonian code. Mr. MORTON said FERRY was very easily crossed. As for him he considered that FERRY was a Copperhead. Mr. REVELS was in favor of removing disabilities as soon as it could be done with safety. They all knew what he meant by safety. As soon as not only his calling, which was formerly clerical, although now legislative, and election were made sure, he was ready to let everybody vote. While his election was doubtful, he was in favor of keeping out votes enough to insure it. He believed that to be the view of every Senator. (Hear. Hear.)

Mr. SAWYER thought his opinion as good as REVELS'S, if he was white. He considered that he was safe in South Carolina, and he disapproved of the glut of Republican Southern Senators. Upon these grounds he went for the removal of the disabilities.

HOUSE.

Mr. DAWES did a neat thing. He represented that the Naval Appropriation bill contained a number of most nutritious jobs (as indeed it turned out that it did.) Upon this hint SCHENCK agreed to let the tariff "pass" for the present, though he reserved the right to order it up at any time. Thereupon the astute DAWES moved to postpone it indefinitely, to the huge disgust of Mr. SCHENCK, who said he ought to be ashamed of himself. Here was the oyster pining for protection, the peanut absolutely shrivelling on its stalk under the neglect of Congress, and the American hook-and-eye weeping for being overrun by the imported article. He hoped the pig-iron, whose claims they had refused to consider, might lie heavy on their souls.

KELLEY was too full of pig-iron for utterance.

SPENCERIAN CHAFF.

BY A CONFIRMED GRAHAMITE.

If, in the "opening" of my learnéd friend
(Whose record I intend
Most handsomely and warmly to defend,)
You fancy that you now and then perceive
A word or phrase one hardly can conceive
Was uttered "by your leave;"
If--going further in my supposition--
You fancy his condition
In some respects was not above suspicion;
If (Ah! there's virtue in an "if" sometimes--
As there may be in crimes,)
You think it strange, what men will do for dimes;
Why, it is plainly due
To you,
And noble SPENCER, too,
That I should straightway boil with legal rage
At such injustice, and at once engage
To right the matter, on this virtuous page.
I fear, my captious friend,
(To speak the truth,) you do not comprehend
The Majesty of Law!
Of Reason it is clearly the Perfection!
It is not merely Jaw!
Great Heaven! (excuse the interjection,)
If for this thing you have no greater awe,
You need correction!
Pray, do you fully realize, good Sir,
The Legal is a Gentlemanly cur?
True, we are sometimes forced to treat a Judge
As though he were a plain American.
But, fudge!
He never minds; he's not a gentleman!
True, it is now and then our legal lot
To teach a stupid witness what is what,
Or show that he (or she)
Is rather worse than he (or she) should be;
We find it necessary,
Very,
To blacken what we have no doubt is white,
And whiten what is very black indeed.
Agreed!
But ask the Client what he thinks is right!
He may not care to see us fairly fight,
(It is not a pleasant sight,)
Or hear us curse till all is black as night,
For the whole Jury might perchance take fright;
But he knows whether he is ably served!
Stern Duty's line, he'll tell you (if he's bright)
Is always either angular or curved.
Now, pray, no bosh
About the habit of defending crime
Dulling the sensibilities in time!
The theory won't wash!
Once place my colleague on the other side,
You'd say, This lawyer should be deified!
Oh, what a conscience he would then reveal!
Sinners would tremble at his dread appeal!
You would perceive
(At least, you would be ready to believe,)
That, noting all the most abhorred deeds
Known to our records, this affair must needs
Be judged the blackest. Nothing like, since Cain.
And then, again----
But, pshaw! coming to look at you, I see
You're one of those odd folks who don't agree
With any body. You are not to pass
On these high questions; plainly, you're an ass.
I'd like to have you on the stand a minute!
You'd think the deuce was in it!
I'd shake the humdrums out of you, I guess!
You'd presently confess
You thought that No was Yes.
It's just your sort--provided there's no hurry--
We like to worry.
In twenty minutes, Sir, you wouldn't know
Your father from JIM CROW,
Or your illiterate self from LINDLEY MURRAY!
And now then, dunce,
Please move your boots, at once!
If 'twere not for some twinges of the gout,
I'd kick you out!