Fox. "But I am Jack's dearest friend. I have saved him from drowning, from matrimony, from reading the Nation, from mothers-in-law, and all other calamities mentioned in the litany."
Sir Gander. "Describe him to me, if you know him so well."
Fox. "He is tall, dark, slender, and quiet in manner."
Sir Gander. "My dear fellow he is short, fat, light, and noisy. I am convinced that you know him. Permit me to pay your bill, lend you money, and tell you all about our dear JACK'S intended marriage." (He pays, lends, and narrates accordingly. A terrific rattling of dishpans simulates the arrival of a train. Sir GANDER departs and JACK GOSLING enters.)
Fox. "My dear JACK, allow me to embrace you."
Jack. "I don't know you. I'm not my father."
Fox. "But I am your father's dearest friend. Sit down and have a bottle of wine, and tell me all about ROSE MANDRAKE, your intends bride. 'Rose! Rose! the coal black Rose!' as MILTON finely remarks." (They sit down and JACK immediately gets very drunk, thereby affording another proof of the horribly adulterated condition of the liquor used on the stage, which infallibly intoxicates an actor within two minutes after it is imbibed. [Let the Excise authorities see to this matter.] Finally JACK falls, and the curtain immediately follows his example.)
Critical Young Man, who reads all the theatrical "notices" in the Herald in the leisure moments when he is not selling yards of tape and ribbon. "I don't think much of CLARKE. He ain't half the man that NED FORREST is. There ain't a bit of spontanatious humor in him. Them San Francisco Minstrels can beat him out of sight."
Accompanying Young Female Person. "Yes, I think so, too. I hate to see a man act drunk. It's so low and vulgar. I like pretty plays, like they have at WALLACK'S."
Respectable Old Gentleman. "PLACIDE--BLAKE--BURTON--"