It is a disputed question among Biblical commentators whether the Rhinoceros or the Hippopotamus is the Behemoth of Scripture, but as the Rhinoceros feeds on furze and the Hippopotamus does not, it would seem that the terminal syllable "moth" more properly applies to the latter. As numerous fossil remains of the animal have been found from time to time in the Rhenish provinces of Germany, it is supposed by some archaeologists that prior to the Noachian Deluge its principal habitat was the Valley of the Rhine, where it was known as the Rhine-horse. The "horse," it is alleged, was subsequently corrupted into "hoss," whereupon the lexicographers, uncertain which of the two renderings was the true one, called it in their vocabularies the "Rhine horse or hoss," and thence the present still more senseless corruption, "Rhinoceros." This is, of course, mere theory, but it is supported by the well authenticated parallel case of the Nylghau--more properly Nile Ghaut--which derived its name from the singular fact that it was never seen by any human being in the neighborhood of the Ghauts of the Nile. Although the Nile has such a fishy reputation that stories from that source are generally taken cum grano salis, or profanely characterised (see Cicero) as "Nihil Tam incredible," the above statement in relation to the Nylghau will not be seriously disputed by any well informed naturalist.
The general aspect of the Rhinoceros is that of a hog in armor on a grand scale. The males of the genus are called bulls, but they are more like boars, with the tusk inverted and transferred by Rhino-plastic process to the nose. When enraged, the animal exalts its horn and trumpets like a locomotive, whereupon it is advisable to give it the right of way, as to face the music would be dangerous.
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SIC SEMPER E PLURIBUS, ETC. Oh, Star-spangled Banner! once emblem of glory, And guardian of freedom and justice and law, How bright in the annals of war was thy story! Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! Time was when the nations beheld thee and trembled, Though now they assure us they don't care a straw For wrath which they say is but poorly dissembled; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! They know our best ships are dismantled or rotten, We know that they'll soon be abolished by law, And FARRAGUT'S triumphs are nearly forgotten; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! The soldiers whose best days were spent in our service-- Whose manhood we claimed as our right by the law, As paupers must die, since their cost would unnerve us; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! We look for respect in the eyes of the nations, And man our defences with soldiers of straw, To save for vile uses their pay and their rations; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! With armies reduced, and the ghost of a navy, Of course we must trust to our ancient éclat; Economy now is the cry, we must save a Few millions for thieves to steal--unum go bragh! "Sun" DANA may bluster as much as he pleases-- Our friend, Mr. FISH, is sustained by the law, And old Mr. BENNETT just bellows to tease us; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! There's LOGAN, who once had the heart of a hero-- Alas! that same heart is now only a craw, And its vigor has sunk away down below Zero; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! His action has sadden'd the hearts of more freemen Than fought under GRANT in defence of the law; Well--well--never mind--we can boast of our women; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! The people may some day awake to the notion That statesmen can tamper too much with the law, And send them to regions less genial than Goshen; Sic semper e pluribus unum go bragh! |
ON CATS.
Some cats are black, some brown, some white, some "arf and arf."
Some cats are gentle, and require a good deal of pinching and "worriting" to bring them to the scratch, like some persons, who require to get their dander up before they'll show fight.