I'm afrade I can't jerk soft sawder when I git hold of a goose quil. Guess not.
When you kill off all your present army, you must git up a draft.
When we had our war here, a man who didn't stand his little draft didn't amount to shucks. Altho' we had more cripples and able-bodied loonatics here them times, than since. The enthusiasm got up to that pitch, that when an enrolling officer would pass down the streets, crowds would rush after him, and with tears in their eyes and a $300 bill in their hand, beg the enrolling officer to let them die for their blessed country--by sendin' a substitoot. Patriotism ran so high, that altho' a man hadn't a dollar to his back or a shirt in his pocket, he marched gallantly to the war meetins, and voted to assess his rich nabor to raise money for the purpose of buyin' substitoots with which to prosecute the war.
Them was the times as tride men's soles, and made the shoomakers laff, who done the toppin'.
Jumpin' bounties paid them times.
The bold patriot and able-bodied hero who couldn't jump his two bounties a week, beside his bord and washin', wasn't warmed by the fires of 1776.
Yes, sir; the self-sacrificing contractor, doorin' that eventful period, by cuttin' down the poor sewin' wimmen's wages, partriotically furnished the Government a superior lot of pastebord shoes for $27.00 a pair, and a nice cool shoddy overcote for $97.00 apiece.
Having received the reward of a gratefool country, he is resting from his patriotick labors at Saratogy or Long Branch.
Seein' that you have got a war on your hands, I hope it will pay better than your Plebiscotum, altho' I don't know whether that 'ere article resembles a bile or a brick meetin' house.
I understand you have mobolized your army.