Punch's Almanack for 1890

by Various

Father Chrismas not in it with me, Charlie—sort of big snowball on legs;

And cold, Charlie? Flasks was no use, could ha' gurgled neat Irish in kegs.

Still, I wosn't much 'urt, mate, thanks be—only needled a bit in my pride,

And I soon got upsides with the party, and fair took it hout of that Guide.

He'd a mash at Chermooney—neat parcel enough, though in course not my style;

Couldn't patter her lingo—wus luck!—but I could do the lardy, and smile;

And that Merry Swiss Boy got so jealous, along o' some capers o' mine,

That I'm sure, if he'd twigged arf a chance, he'd a chucked me slap into the Rhine.

Then I tried Shammy-hunting, old pal, but I didn't make much of a bag,