To get firm hold of the subject, we must suppose a case. I sit in my room alone. Alone, did I say? As nature abhors a vacuum, the mind instinctively shrinks from solitude. If fleshy forms are not present, a host of imps press in from crack and crevice, to gambol around us. The mind is like the room in which the body is held, and these shadowy elves issue forth from the plastering of the walls, or peep out from the dark arras that hangs betwixt the visible and invisible world. Could we break through the plastering, or lift the arras, and see what these seeming imps are—whether they are things, or only images of things; whether they are substantial spirits, which, like invisible eels in water, are ever playing their pranks behind the curtain of vision; could we do this, our task would easily be done; and for our discovery we should expect to be made a member of some philosophical society. But, alas! there is no bridge that crosses the gulf between life and death—none, at least, upon which a being of flesh and blood can return. It is therefore impossible to follow “the blues” to their retreats—to the recesses from which, unbidden, they come, and to which, pursued, they fly.
What, then, are “the Blues?” In natural history, there is nothing like dissection. But, before dissection, we must have a subject. How, then, shall we catch a blue?—that is the first question. The easiest way is to take one by supposition, and, while we are supposing, we may as well include the whole race. These can be arranged as follows:
Order I. The Blues.
These have no head, no heart, no ears, no breathing organs; body, invisible; food, the human heart.
| Order I. The Blues. | Class I. Blues of reverie: pleasing, but not to be too much indulged. |
| Class II. Rum blues: pestiferous. | |
| Class III. Blues of indigestion: horrible. | |
| Class IV. Blues of bad conscience: frightful. |
We might now proceed to give the several kinds into which each class is divided, and then the numerous species of each kind. But this must be reserved for some future work on the subject; and if we should publish such an one, let no person laugh at our labors, nor sneer at our philosophy. “The Blues” constitute a great subject of scientific research, and are by no means unworthy of the moral philosopher. We have only time to make a few observations, to show the force of this latter remark.
In the first place, it may be noted that those persons who live temperately, rise early, and go to bed early; those who fulfil their duties toward God and man; those who have good digestion, and a good conscience—are never visited by any other blues than Order I., Class I. If any others ever do come to such persons, they usually depart as speedily as a rattlesnake from an ash stick. Of course, these people are not supposed to be particularly interested in our subject.
But that numerous class, who are in the habit of neglecting some daily duty, or violating some moral or physical law; those who eat too much; those who take strong drinks; those who follow pleasure rather than peace; those, in short, who keep the mind like an ill-swept garret, decorated with dust, cobwebs and confusion—those persons are doubtless particularly interested in our subject. For these, the little blues of the pestiferous classes have a strong affinity. Around the hearts of these persons they are ever to be found. Upon their lifeblood these elves live.
Of all classes of blues, the Rum Blue is, perhaps, the worst. Whether the insect called “blue bottle” took its name from it, or not, is a question for the learned. The class is pretty numerous, and includes a variety of genera, among which are the following.
| Class II. Rum Blues; or, The Horrors. | Genus 1. The gin blue. |
| Genus 2. The whiskey blue. (In London called “blue ruin.”) | |
| Genus 3. The wine blue. | |
| Genus 4. The toddy blue. | |
| Genus 5. The brandy blue. | |
| Genus 6. The Santa Croix blue. |