Dr. Johnson. [Outside, in a sonorous voice, heard through the half-open door.] Madam, I am fully aware that Dr. Goldsmith is in an embarrassing situation. I am also aware that your behavior is, in part, responsible for his embarrassments. If you will have the goodness to refrain from violent recriminations, I will visit him forthwith to investigate these complications. [Advancing to the center of the room with great dignity.] My dear Goldsmith, I trust your messenger reported that I should employ the utmost expedition in coming to your assistance. The existence of a literary man is, I apprehend,—[Coming closer to the table, he perceives the bottle and well-filled goblet, peers at the pile of coins and counts them, snorts violently in disgust, corks the bottle, and then, perceiving the children, says, sternly:] Sir, our conversation need not be extended, but I shall take the liberty of dismissing these young persons.
[Children go out on tiptoe.]
Goldsmith. [Advancing with outstretched hand and an engaging smile.] Nay, Doctor, it'll ill work thumping a poor harmless fellow with hard words when the jade Misfortune has him by the throat. Life has many a dull day for poor Noll, and he could never cure his ills with tea-drinking, either.
Dr. Johnson. [Shaking his massive silver-headed cane indignantly.] Sir, you are impertinent as well as improvident! Disturbed at my sixth cup of tea, barely half my usual allowance, as Miss Williams will testify, I hasten hither only to find that your most pressing necessities are such as can be supplied from the nearest tavern. The gold I despatched by your messenger, as from one literary man to another, I could ill spare, and, since I find you in affluence [Goldsmith turns out his empty pockets ruefully] and employed in a manner eminently befitting your talents, I will bid you good day without further ceremony! [Paces solemnly toward the door.]
Goldsmith. [Coming forward quickly.] Sure, Doctor, you can never do that! I was always my own worst friend and you my best. Isn't it the sober truth I wrote in the letter, that the bailiff fellow's sitting in the passage, waiting to take me to prison if I once put my nose outside the door? You can see the ugly back of him now.
[He flings open the door, to the confusion of the Landlady, who has been listening at the keyhole.]
Dr. Johnson. [Ignoring Goldsmith completely.] Madam, it argues an amiable disposition on your part to manifest so strong an interest in Dr. Goldsmith's misfortunes. Have the goodness to enter and favor me with an explanation of these circumstances.
Landlady. Begging your pardon, sir, I'm not a good 'and at hexplaining and such, but when a lone woman 'as two children and heverything to do for them, and gentlemen as 'as guineas to give away promiscuous and owe rent for months don't pay a penny, though the lad's to be 'prenticed and 'is fees found—as good a lad as there is in the court too, though I say it as shouldn't—why, then, one time as well as hanother for the bailiffs, thinks I, when things come to be so houtrageous—[Stops, out of breath.]