“I offered myself to her; she accepted me, and on the strength of it I left her immediately. What do you think of me?”
“She is a little wretch. Did you care for her very much?”
“I thought she couldn’t make a poor man a good wife, after I had asked her to be such. And I thought a poor man wouldn’t be a good husband.”
“It was the height of foolishness in both of you. It is most unwise for two people who have had luxuries separately to join and give them up.”
“Luxuries! I wish you knew Peter and Maria.”
“Osgood, you are morbid.”
“Now, aunt, hear me. I am resolved to choose my own life; you must let me go. Whatever way I go, I shall not disgrace you. Formica may give me a sailor’s outfit, if he chooses. Meantime let us enjoy ourselves for the remainder of the week.” Notwithstanding she saw that he was determined, she applied to Senator Conch for a place, and he promised her one for Osgood in a department at Washington. When she told Osgood of it, he deigned no reply; but shook his head so fiercely that she forebore to trouble him.
Every day that he saw Lily she learned his nature by the contrast Barclay offered; she also learned to doubt herself. She never had been worthy of Osgood; it was fit that she should marry Barclay. She doubted whether she could keep up the strain, which she knew Osgood’s love would impose upon her, of self-abnegation, self-denial, isolation, and independence. She was not sure that she did not prefer enervation with Barclay to action with Osgood. Barclay watched them both. Jealousy gnawed his soul, not because he doubted Osgood, but because he had a suspicion that Lily once felt an interest in Osgood, which might be on the point of awakening. He tried experiments upon her feelings, pinched them, tore them up by the roots, extracted them with wrenches of his will, applied slow fire; but he learned nothing. His motive was so palpable to Osgood that he more than once felt on the point of knocking him down, and had he seen any encouraging sign from Lily he would have done it. He sometimes sighed over Barclay’s failure, hateful as his conduct was.
Through the torture which Barclay applied to her she saw the passion which tortured him. Could a woman have been quailed into love she would have been at his feet; for he broke loose from his feigned submission and savagely demanded an equal return of his love. Then came the full measure of her punishment. She was incapable of rising to the strength, height, and abandon of Barclay’s love. She was just as unworthy of him as she was of Osgood.
How she hated herself!