“Oh, yes,” he said, indifferently, tossing bits of clover into the stream, “I could have passed an A. B. fast enough. But you know better than I do, Winifred, that that’s the least of a college course. I’ve seen fellows that had to work their way through and had no spare time or energy, and they always lacked a great deal of the college flavor; the education didn’t permeate ’em. Then there are other things—music, art, social opportunities, capacity of expression—that are no slight things to miss; they make up more of first-class living than Greek optatives or the equation of a surface. It isn’t really possible for a man, not backed by circumstances, to get himself into a position that some are born to.” He let the clover be and looked up. “Oh, I’m not growling, Winifred,” he said, hastily, smiling, as he saw her about to speak eagerly. “I’m only making philosophical observations, and using myself as an illustration. Why in the world should I growl to find myself stranded half way up, when there is a townful of people behind us clear down at the bottom, and no more their fault than mine? Why should I mind that I am left out from the best chances, any more than that a thousand other fellows are? ‘What Act of Legislature was there that’ I should be cultured?”
She was leaning forward with her irresistible eyes full on his, and face and voice vivified with that sympathetic expressiveness that makes speech count for far more than the words.
“Will, that is true,” she cried, “but it is only part of the truth. ‘Close thy’ Carlyle; ‘open thy’ Emerson. It’s true, you have missed some things that you deserved to have and that many of your inferiors have for nothing. But your life is only begun, and your ability and pluck can do so much that you needn’t waste regret on anything they may fail to do. Even if circumstances be unconquerable that stand between you and some good things, are the things you have gained instead of less value?—your courage and patience, your self-reliance and trustworthiness and helpfulness? Why, Will, character is worth more than knowledge of art, or familiarity with good society; just to live bravely is worth more than all the rest. Do you suppose I would exchange your companionship for that of a dozen ‘cultured’ people who could talk to me about ‘sincere furniture‘”—this was in the last decade, remember—“and Rauss’s heads, as you can’t, and who never showed me one spark of genuine feeling about the great things of life, as you can?”
Will was overwhelmed. Winifred had talked of his affairs much, following them with unvarying interest, but of himself or herself, never; and it was actually a new idea to the young fellow that she could have any very high opinion of him. Moreover, it was the first time he had heard her speak with unveiled and ardent feeling.
“You do not mean”—and he formed his words with difficulty—“that I could meet on equal ground people that—such people as your associates.”
“No; you would meet most of them on higher ground. If they didn’t know it, that would be their discredit. I should think you could see that,” she added, in a quick, parenthetic averse way, “from their associate. If you want to get a higher opinion of the value of your life, compare it with an ordinary, foolish, useless one—like mine.” She gave him no chance to answer that, but was the next moment on her feet, suggesting that they walk on, and wishing they were not to stop short of the Lassen Buttes, whose apparent nearness, scores of miles distant as they were, was still a perpetual surprise to her eastern eyes.
When everything has been made ready for it, a few sentences may easily make or mark an era in life; and it is probable that if Miss Northrop had not in effect told young Strong he was quite good enough for her, he might have remained her contented vassal for years. Six months of being her nearest friend worked their result, to be sure; but the humility they were gnawing at was of mediævally tough fibre, and of twice six years’ growth. His depreciation of himself, however, had only meant sense of distance from her; therefore, his sense of the significance of her speech was enormous. He felt his relation to her changed; he was shaken from all his moorings, and thrown into a mighty agitation that possessed him night and day, and only grew with time. For this was what it all came to: Was the distance between Winifred and himself greater than the distance between her and any other man? And when he had once thought that, the gate was open, and the besieging host marched in and took possession of every corner of him with longing and desire and a madness of tenderness.
He thought of nothing else. He wrote his editorials and set type under an unceasing sense of it, as people have done brain-work and finger-work to an accompaniment of unceasing physical pain. For there was nothing joyous about it to him; it was all a bitter pain of mad desire to be something to her—to secure her, somehow, before this great, dark future swept her away from him. And yet the latter rains came and went, the green faded from the ground, the mountains grew dimmer and duller, and at last disappeared in the summer murk, before he took in his own mind the next step—from lover to suitor, as before from vassal to lover.
He did so simply because he could not stand it any longer. It stood to reason that there must be a way out of such active torments. And, after all, why not he as well as any other man? It was absurd to suppose that Winifred could ever be in love with any man, as a man would be with her. It occurred to Will that the thing to do was natural enough, after all—not to ask Winifred’s love, but to offer her his. And he walked down to Mrs. Stutt’s to do it, one August evening, a little before school opened after vacation. He was in good spirits, too; to come to action and to speech, after so long repression, was an inestimable relief. And she had been doubly friendly to him all this time.