"Sarah and litter are doing well."
The recipient telegraphed back the following startling query:
"For Heaven's sake, how many?"
SLEEPING IN CHURCH.
A clergyman observed in his sermon, that this was unpardonable, as people did it with their eyes open. Wrapt up in the admiration of his own discourse, he did not observe that from its tediousness his audience one by one had slipped away, until there only remained a natural. Lifting up his eyes, he exclaimed, "What! All gone, except this poor idiot!" "Aye," says the lad, "and if I had not been a poor idiot I had been gone too."
ECONOMY.
A lady asked her butler how she might best save a barrel of excellent small beer; he answered, "By placing a cask of strong beer by it."
A CONSTELLATION OF BULLS.
A letter written during the Irish rebellion.
My dear Sir:—Having now a little peace and quietness, I sit down to inform you of a dreadful bustle and confusion we are in from these blood-thirsty rebels, most of whom are, however, thank God, killed or dispersed.