A culprit having been adjudged, on a conviction of perjury, to lose his ears, when the executioner came to put the sentence in force, he was rather disappointed at finding the fellow had been cropped before. The criminal with great sang froid exclaimed, "What! do you think I am always obliged to find you ears?"
A CASE OF ALARM.
An Irish gentleman, hearing that his widowed mother was married again, said, in great perturbation, "I hope she won't have a son older than me, to cut me out of the estate!"
INDIAN FINESSE.
Soon after the settlement of New England, Governor Dudley saw a stout Indian idling in the market-place of Boston, and asked him why he did not work? He said he had nobody to employ him, but added, "Why don't you work, massa?" "Oh!" says the Governor, "my head works; but come, if you are good for any thing I will give you employment." He accordingly took him into his service, but soon found him to be an idle and thievish vagabond. For some tricks one day, his Excellency found it necessary to order him a whipping, which he did by a letter he desired him to carry, addressed to the provost marshal. Jack's guilty conscience made him suspect the contents, and meeting another Indian, he gave him a glass of rum to carry it for him. The poor devil willingly undertook to deliver it, and the marshal, as directed, caused the bearer to receive a hearty flogging. When this reached the Governor's ears, he asked Mr. Jack how he dared do such a thing. "Ah! massa," said he, "head work!"
ECONOMICAL.
Mrs. Partington says that she did not marry her second husband because she loved the male sex, but just because he was the size of her first protector, and would come so good to wear his old clothes out.
GOOD TOAST.
At a dinner in Springfield, Mass., recently, a lady sent the following volunteer toast:—"Spruce old bachelors—the ever greens of society."