I believe every created crittur in the world thinks that he's the most entertainin' one on it, and that there's no gettin' on anyhow without him. Consait grows as natural as the hair on one's head, but is longer in comin' out.—Sam Slick's Wise Saws.
KISSING BY PROXY.
One of the deacons of a certain church asked the bishop if he usually kissed the bride at weddings.
"Always," was the reply.
"And how do you manage when the happy pair are negroes?" was the next question.
"In all such cases," replied the bishop, "the duty of kissing is appointed to the deacons!"
A BARGAIN.
"I reckon I couldn't drive a trade with you to-day, squire?" said a genuine specimen of a Yankee pedler, as he stood at the door of a certain merchant in St. Louis.
"I reckon you calculate about right, for you can't," was the sneering reply.
"Wall, I guess you needn't get huffy 'bout it. Now here's a dozen ginooine razer strops—worth two dollars and a half; you may have 'em for two dollars."