"What are you writing such a big hand for, Pat?" "Why, you see my grandmother's dafe, and I'm writing a loud letter to her."
GO THE WHOLE.
A peasant, being at confession, accused himself of having stolen some hay. The father-confessor asked him how many bundles he had taken from the stack: "That is of no consequence," replied the peasant; "you may set it down a wagon-load; for my wife and I are going to fetch the remainder soon."
SHARP BOY.
A man driving a number of cattle to Boston, one of his cows went into a barn-yard, where there stood a young lad. The drover calls to the boy, "Stop that cow, my lad, stop that cow." "I am no constable, Sir." "Turn her out then." "She is right side out now, Sir." "Well, speak to her then." The boy took off his hat, and very handsomely addressed the cow, with "Your servant, madam." The drover rode into the yard, and drove the cow out himself.
HIGH FAMILY.
A person was boasting that he was sprung from a high family in Ireland. "Yes," said a bystander, "I have seen some of the same family so high that their feet could not touch the ground."
SETTLING.
"Mr. Jenkins, will it suit you to settle that old account of yours?"
"No, Sir, you are mistaken in the man, I am not one of the old settlers."