"Can you remember ever having seen your father and mother?"
"I can't recollect to save myself; I sometimes think I have, and then again I think I haven't."
"What trade do you follow?"
"Well, I am either a tailor or a cooper, and for the life of me I can't tell which: at any rate, I'm either one or the other."
AN ACUTE HINT.
An Irish footman carrying a basket of game from his master to his friend, waited some time for the customary fee, but seeing no appearance of it, he scratched his head, and said, "Sir, if my master should say, Paddy, what did the gentleman give you?—what would your honor have me to tell him?"
COCKNEY NARRATIVE.
I laid at my friend's house last night, and just as I laid me down to sleep, I heard a rumbling at the window of my chamber, which was just over the kitchen, a sort of portico, the top of which was just even with the floor of my room. Well, I just peeped up, and as the moon was just rising, I just saw the head of a man; so I got me up softly, just as I was, in my shirt, goes to where the pistols laid that I had just loaded, and laid them just within my reach. I hid myself behind the curtains, just as he was completely in the room. Just as I was about to lift my hand to shoot him, thinks I, would it be just to kill this here man, without one were sure he came with an unjust intention? so I just cried out hem! upon which he fell to the ground, and there he laid, and I could just see that he looked just as if he was dead; so I just asked him what business he had in that there room? Poor man! he could just speak, and said he had just come to see Mary!
SINCERE REGRET.
To a gentleman who was continually lamenting the loss of his first wife before his second, she one day said, "Indeed, Sir, no one regrets her more than I do."