A gentleman complained that his apothecary had so stuffed him with drugs, that he was sick for a fortnight after he was quite well.
A SEA CHAPLAIN.
The captain of a man of war lost his chaplain. The first lieutenant, a Scotchman, announced his death to his lordship, adding he was sorry to inform him that the chaplain died a Roman Catholic. "Well, so much the better," said his lordship. "Oot awa, my lord, how can you say so of a British clergyman?" "Why, because I believe I am the first captain that ever could boast of a chaplain who had any religion at all."
THE MODEST BARRISTER.
A counsel, examining a very young lady, who was a witness in a case of assault, asked her, if the person who was assaulted did not give the defendant very ill language, and utter words so bad that he, the learned counsel, had not impudence enough to repeat? She replied in the affirmative. "Will you, Madam, be kind enough," said he, "to tell the Court what these words were?" "Why, Sir," replied she, "if you have not impudence enough to speak them, how can you suppose that I have?"
A DISTINCTION.
A lady came up one day to the keeper of the light-house near Plymouth, which is a great curiosity. "I want to see the light-house," said the lady. "It cannot be complied with," was the reply. "Do you know who I am, Sir?" "No, Madam." "I am the Captain's lady." "If you were his wife, Madam, you could not see it without his order!"
CONSEQUENCE.
A pragmatical fellow, who travelled for a mercantile house in town, entering an inn at Bristol, considered the traveling room beneath his dignity, and required to be shown to a private apartment; while he was taking refreshment, the good hostess and her maid were elsewhere discussing the point, as to what class their customer belonged. At length the bill was called for, and the charges declared to be enormous. "Sixpence for an egg! I never paid such a price since I traveled for the house!" "There!" exclaimed the girl, "I told my mistress I was sure, Sir, that you was no gentleman."
Another gentleman going into a tavern on the Strand, called for a glass of brandy and water, with an air of great consequence, and after drinking it off, inquired what was to pay? "Fifteen pence, Sir," said the waiter. "Fifteen pence! fellow, why that is downright imposition: call your master." The master appeared, and the guest was remonstrating, when "mine host" stopped him short, by saying, "Sir, fifteen pence is the price we charge to gentlemen; if any persons not entitled to that character trouble us, we take what they can afford, and are glad to get rid of them."